juliet

2010-04-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

I just feel like writing down something... the is blog has been long abandoned but now i decide to write something on it again... i dunno why i will only write the unhappy moments that i went through.. perhaps to remind myself that it is happening or had happen.. im having a tough time with my relationship... dunno if its part of getting to know or it is an inevitable thing that is bound to happen.. i just wish that it does not happen coz it makes me feel like shit and it makes him feel awful too.. sometimes im not sure if it is me or him that makes thing bad.. perhaps its all my fault... sometimes it makes me think that perhaps im not destined to be attached.. as much as i love him... i keep screwing things up... and honestly i hate it.. it makes me feel like im so useless as a gf.. if now we cant get along together wat do u think about later... im not thinking of that if u think i am.. i just want to be the best for him and stop screwing things up.. i really am..

2009-03-24T04:47:00.001-07:00

im a dead meat.. this is the first time i get so low of a marks when i studied so hard.. honestly its not fair... it is so demoralising... just break my motivation to go on.. some times i wonder why do i have to go through all this shit.. it is so hard... haiz

2009-03-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

i has always been fun making fun of other ppl but have u ever thinks about the person that ur making fun off.. honestly i dont think its funny at all.. thanks ar really thanks.. how does it feels when the only person that u can trust and asking for assuarance is also the same as the the rest just sucks.. thats wat im feeling right now.. i dont care if ppl is making fun of me at all but not u.. gosh i hate this!!!!

2008-11-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

im so tired but ive got to be strong and determine to be able to do this... but its taking a toll on me... im sick and tired of all this already... and if i didnt i feel so guilty... like just wasted my time on nothing.... feeling rather moody... and always feel like crying... why why why... i dont even noe why... i just hope this exams ends soon and there goes all my sadness... i hate all this...

2008-10-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

its sunday, 19/10/08... this will be one of the historic day of my life... soon enough i will be meeting one of the impt people in my life... im excited plus anxious... dont noe how it will be.. hopefully it goes on smoothly... and that im able to score points.. hehehehe

;(

2008-09-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

suddenly feel kinda sad.. i noe the reason why just that im not good with my words... rather than me hurting other ppl i rather keep it quiet... i think this blog is only the place where i pour my sadness in... haiz... sometimes i wish that im not so soft.. so that im not so easily hurt by ppl actions.. even though it is as tiny as pea... my emotions will be haywire already... and honestly i dont noe how to control it.. keeping it inside will only hurt me further... haiz.. and its hurting now...

chance or choice

2008-09-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is not by chance, but by choice. Jim Rohn"

got this msg early this morning.. and my thoughts were why not? all this while i thought that my happiness was partly based on chance. but i didnt think about the choices can also incluence my happiness... to me wat i was going thru is predestined.. so no matter how i do it i will still get the same result.. but there is one thing i forgot to take into considerations that is, my choice will determines wat ever the outcome.. thinking back im happy making some choices that i made.. i think i did the rite thing.. but there are some choice that i made makes me wonder if there is a better choice.. haiz.. when will i grow up to be an emotionally stable person..

to be continued...

reflection

2008-09-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

3 months full i didnt update my blog... due to the existence of another blog.. but this blog hold alot of memories for me.. started reading my older post and i wonder wat is going thru my head when im writing this.. like i cant recall wats going on.. with whom i when thru it also.. all i noe this blog has it ups and down.. it is the witness of my break-ups and my finding of new love.. and now im truely happy with wat ive got.. just that i dont want to be too comfortable coz i will be an ungrateful being.. hahahah.. ppl say every good story have an ending.. in my case i dont want it to be like that.. now i got my frens back, have a partner in crime.. and have the support of my family.. im really contented with wat i have.. and dont want to ask for more... coz it will only make me a greedy person.. hahaha.. one year ago i was in a state of confusion and emotions running high and low.. now i think im more focus and emotions still running but not so high nor so low.. hahahah.. its well balance with good and bad stress... thanks to those ppl that make it happen.. especially ajushi's help...

life is all i need...

2008-06-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

it has been a month since i mugged for exams.. and now i received my results also and has to plan for next semester's timetable.. hehhehe.. but very lazy to plan it so just follow my frens.. hehehe.. will be taking extra modules so that i complete certain AUs without overloading my timetable and the examinations i have to take...hehehee... taking a module during the holiday to get myself occupied... and in the end i regret coz its so dry and so physics + engineering.. gosh wat have i got myself into... hahahha... there is good and bad for the month of june for me.. hehehe... enjoying most of it even though some setbacks i faced but its just makes everything perfect.. without it i will be imperfect.. hehehe.. all good and no bad is not good at all.. hahahaha.. just want to say.. i love my frens.. whoever it is and i love u.. most importantly... hehehehe.. thanks for everything.. a roller-coaster journey is wat i need.. hehehe

2008-04-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

-mugging is still going on-

2008-03-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

This week will be abit quiet since ajushi when to batam for some bike expedition... Met him after sch to pass somethings for him for the journey there... Wasnt really prepared to meet his frens... Yar after so long i noe him this is the first time im meeting them without even being mentally prepared lor.. But im glad i did.. And he is really glad too.. ANd his frens were shocked esp olim.. hahaha.. he did not blink when he saw me.. Nasib baik die takde heart attack kalau tak tak leh gi batam.. hahahha.. Just cant wait for him to be back... and will be waiting for him.. for now got to mug.. coz got 3 test for the following week and exams starts on april 14.. wish me luck... ciao...

small gathering

2008-03-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

Thurs was the start of a long2 holiday... Thurs is also the day my mum and bros go to pulau pangkor for holiday... Wanted to go but i had test ard the corner.. So not wanting to go home so early coz nobody at home... I decided to join my uni frens to have dinner together since all of them dont want to go home too.. hahahaha.. So here we are ended up at imm for our dinner... hehehehe.. we ate at red ginger... hmmmm... didint noe there is a lot of halal restaurant in imm ar.. hahahaha.. and the food is not bad for a local delicacies... but kinda of ex i could say... hahahaha.. so sorry u guys for waiting for me to finish food like the usual lunch.. hehehehe.. so off we go to daiso to shop coz hidayah wants to but some cookies.. hehehehe.. i think she has becoming an addict (daiso addict) like winnie... hahahaha.. but like i say hidayah, u come the things finish already.. only for one time taste.. hehehehe... lots and lots of laughing going on.. from the start we step our foot out of ntu till imm.. heheheh.. eventhough we meet everyday in sch but we really spend less time outside of sch.. for the whole yr in sch we only had 'gathering' for 4 times only.. pathetic rite... thats shows how busy our life is.. hahahha.. only when we knock off early or its near to holiday then we are able to hang out together... i think that applies to our daily lifes too... only manage to catch this up with old frens when we had the spare time... so back to the story.. so so sorry side track so much.. hahahah.. den liling wanted to buy nail polish.. hehehe.. we too join her in polishing our nails... hehehehe.. just to try the colour.. in the end she only bought 2 compared the time spend in the shop.. hahahah.. very funny gals.. heheheh.. so its 9pm already.. got to excuse myself coz i dun want to be back late.. scared my father gets angry coz been out late this days... but that does not happen coz my father himself is home late... phew... hahahaha... so im looking forward to my weekends.. coz i have so many things to do.. hehehehe... ciao...

2008-03-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

it has been really a long time since i update dmy blog... time really makes me grow up and think about wat i want and need for the future.. the future that is ambigious.... i hope i can be an understanding adult to ppl that matters... rationality is the most importance than emotions... i dont want my emotions run my life coz its hard to erase it once it starts to grow in there.... so think positively ain... and everything will be fine insya-allah... thanks for being by my side to teach me the right from the wrg.. its true there is no one else that can help me chang eif i chooses not to change.. listen and watch is the most important thing just like when we study... and not forgetting the will to learn is one of the key factors that makes u the person u want urself to be...chia you ain u can do it... i love u darling...

2008-02-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

I have major difficulty in my english language module... I need help so to those out there who is go wif english can help me.. pretty pls.. haiz.. i hate english related modules.. !!!! argh....

2008-01-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

Im feeling rather weird.. Maybe because im sick i want more than just attention.. Hmmm... But I noe im not like that... Maybe its the sickness thingy... Im torn between myself... There is so many things im feeling right now.. I wish to fall into a long long sleep... I dont want to wake up anymore... Im tired.. I want to rest.. good night..

2008-01-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

Is being 21 makes me a confused gal? or Having two different personality? I think i am.. being 21 itself is a responsibility... responsible to my parents frens studies and a special person.. the start of 2008 is quite hectic for me... hmmm.. everthing is just in a whirl.. I dont know how to straighten out my thought neither i am able to tell ppl about it.. Coz i noe wat i should do(rationally) but i tend to do things irrationally.. And when that starts to happen i will be confused... So i dunno how should i go doing it.. Usually i would just be irrational before being rational(thats when my guilty conscience starts to kick in).. And i would apologies to the ppl i had offended.. I know ive been doing this all along but i think its time for me to wake up and make amends to it.. But if i do, it will be so drastic... And its going to affect my loved ones... All i want to say is that im sorry in advance if wat im going to do may hurt u...

2008-01-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

Im looking forward to 2008... Im not sure wat god's has in store for me but hopefully nothing out of bazzare... hahaha.. 2007 ends with a big bang.. hahaha..

2007-12-30T21:40:00.000-08:00

Ive been behaving kind a weird lately.. Maybe its pms maybe its not.. Maybe i knew maybe i dont... Yes i knew it y im like that but its hard for me to describe why i did wat i did... In the end im hurting the people who loves me most.. I didnt want it to end up this way neither do i wish to be in this position.. Im feeling guilty rite now.. But somehow or another.. I noe it my fault.. Behaving this way.. I apologise for any pain ive caused.. God bless..And god's will..

2007-12-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to sch reopens... So that i will be at least occupied with sch... And i do not have to trouble people who cares..hehehe.. Even though they did not tell me but i do feel that i am disturbing them... So counting till the days when sch starts.. At least i will be out.. And the same time 'studying'.. hahahaha.. 143

2007-12-25T00:27:00.000-08:00

Day 1 (20/12/07)

We took the train to Kuala Lumpur from JB because my grandfather needs the toilet therefore cannot take the bus... Sat beside my mum and spend the whole night sleeping with her.. hahahaha.. Sounds cheesey but this is the only time i could 'manja2' with her.. hahahaha...

Day 2 (21/12/07)

Reached KL at ard 5.30 in the morning.. My uncle staying at KL fetch us from the railway station.. Bring us back to his place and we continue our 'distrupted' sleep.. hahaha.. Woken up by the my makciks' making alot of noise just to go to the market.. Something bad happens afterwards that im too traumatised to say.. So i will skip this part.. Late noon we went to sogo for shopping.. There is a mega sale going on but nothing really interest me.. haiz... All my makciks' keep spending and spending but no eating so we children are so famished that we forced them to go home and stop shopping.. hahahah.. so mean.. but they are meaner deprive us from eating.. hahahaha.. After a long day of shopping we had bbq at night.. It was superb and delicious... Famished katekan.. hahaha..

Day 3 (22/12/07)

The makciks' are busy preparing our food for today's agenda... That is picnic by the air terjun... hehehe.. We rented 2 kampong houses as tempat berteduh.. And guess wat all the makciks' prepare.. They have prepared nasi lemak with sambal kerang and ikan keli and burung puyu and udang gala.. We had our lunch sitting on the rock by the side of the icy cold water... Enjoying the scenary as well as enjoying our lunch.. hehehhehe.. Spend half of the day there.. Swimming and eating.. hehehehe.. Dead tired after the swim.. So take a nap in the rented house.. hehehe.. Accompanied by my two beloved aunt.. hehehe.. love them.. Whereas my mum and my small brother keep swimming while its raining.. When the rain stops we starts packing.. Coz its time to go home.. hahaha.. Did u noe that after rain there is a beautiful effect on the rainforest.. Its like you can see formation of clouds rising to the atmosphere... hehehe.. After reaching home, I was so tired i went to sleep AGAIN.. hahaha.. Yes i spend most of my time there sleeping.. Coz im like half dead.. My body is there but my soul is somewhere else... hahaha.. After maghrib den I went out with my cousin to Jusco to browse some stuff.. Ive yet to do any shopping coz im not a shopperholic.. hahaha... Got some stuff and went home.. hehehe

Day 4 (23/12/07)

Early morning departed to nilai, seremban because my mak ciks want to buy tikar buluh.. The van wetook is filled with so many things and they still want to make it even packed..hahaha.. Cant help it... After all the shopping done early in the morning..We make our way to Kampong Parit Haji Ali Laut..(wat a name)...hahaha... For a wedding of our relative... We lost our way there.. Then have to ask ard.. The pit stop is at a 'shop' selling chendol and pau... Honestly all that is in the van is very thirsty and hungry.. The breakfast we took is not sufficient..hahahah.. So ape lagi serbu la kedai tu...hhahaha... At last we reached the designated place.. But it was so hot that you just feel that u want to be in a refrigerator.. hahahaha.. at least thats wat i feel..hahahah... There is so many things to say...About how we lost our way and ended up in a restaurant by the beach eating seafood and stuff... But to sum everything up... This trip really does have a big impact on me.. hahaha

2007-12-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

Hey frens.. I will be out overseas for few days... I will only be back on mon.. I wont be bringing my hp.. I apologise for any inconvinence caused.. hehehe

2007-12-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

Im so happy that I just want to give everyone that i love a big hug....

2007-12-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was super fun.. Was very excited to go to the zoo.. The last time i could remember i went to the zoo was back in pri sch.. or maybe sec.. Im not so sure... There u see it was so long.. hahahaha... Meet up with my frens ard 11am.. And headed to zoo taking bus 927.. In the bus there is some photo taking going on... hehehe.. rite girls.. At first there were only 6 of us going to the zoo coz gemuk a.k.a raihan woke up late.. dah biasa dah.. hahaha.. We explore the zoo by walking that way is much fun to look at the animals.. Wow... Is the only thing coming out of my mouth.. Im truely facinated by wat i see.. It was super fun la.. Took lots and lots of pics... but not from my camera coz i nvr bring mine.. hahaha.. Wat a waste... Saw some animal shows.. And misses some sight seeing of some animals too... Honestly i was abit dissapointed that i didnt get to see all the animals coz by the end of the animal show we are all very tired.. We has some small picnic by the mandai lake that has a magnificant view... So magnificant that i wish i could spend my whole time sitting and looking at the lake.. hehehehe.. Im a nature loover you noe.. hahahaha... We are all exhausted that we have a short nap in the taxi and raihan is snoring.. hahahahah.. Ain dayana and myself chilled at imm before ain had to excuse herself... The power of small talks really makes singapore so small rite d.. hehehehe.. Its just so coincidence.. To you.. I hope you are well.. You have been sickly these days and im feeling all bad about it.. I hope you get well soon... Im sorry if i make you mad... Coz im mad at myself to feel that way too.. take care..

2007-11-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

Somehow i felt that there is some akwardness present between us.. Its like something is bothering you but ur not open to discussion.. My girl instinct is telling me that ur upset about something.. But im not sure wat... If only i could read ur mind... And will be able to help you.. I know there is something not right going to happen... Its so hard for me to let you go after our meeting... And when I do, there is tears in my eyes.. Ive never felt this way before... Its like something not good going to happen... And i hate to have this feeling...

2007-11-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

My previous entry has been rather upsetting.. hahahaha.. But Im very grateful for those people who cares... hehehehe.. And im so fortunate for that.. Yesterday we had a mini dayana advance birthday celebration.. It was just a mini affair but with lots of fun and laughter.. Its the company that counts.. Right girls.. ANd its time we open up too... Talking about the guys in our respective life... hahahaha.. Sometimes its just hard to do the right thing.. Just need a little more courage... Two papers down 3 more to go.. Im looking forward to the zoo outing we gonna have.. Hopefully its confirm already.. Im so looking forward... hehehehe.. ANd looking forward in spending precious time with the others that I love too.. Especially you.. hahahha...

2007-11-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

Life has never been easy for me... Always get hurt by the people I trust most... Sometimes I wonder why i have to go through such ordeal... Im neither strong enough nor that weak... But I do feel pain.. Unbearable pain... Im not embarassed to cry coz thats the only way for me to get over stuff... I do not regret choosing the path I took... Neither Im happy for it.. If it happens to stop this way... I rela ianya terjadi...

2007-11-09T20:51:00.000-08:00

I will be busy mugging for exams... I have 5 papers to study for and I really want to do it well.. Pray for me ya... And insya-allah everything will be well... Love you...

2007-10-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

Im very tired... To even think of was gonna happen next in my life... Im just tired of holding on something that Im not sure that i can handle... Haiz.. I just want to rest.... Love you...

2007-10-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since ive updated my blog.. It is due to some reasons.. Firstly my comp broke down.. So i just get to use the common comp after my brother used it.. Which is not often.. Second its because my time are filled for studying purpose.. hahah... Like real.. I keep snoozing off when i start to read my notes.. Lastly I dun have mood to blog since my life is so boring.. hahahaha.. Hmmm... I tell you right now wat im feeling.. Im feeling rather restless.. Hmmm.. Maybe because of certain reasons... Actually its hard to explain wat im feeling right now.. haiz.. Dunno la.. maybe i should end it here..

2007-10-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

Haiz mugging for test is stressing me up.. I dunno how am i able to face thru the exams.. I just hold on to these words of encouraging... " To excel there are somethings that you need to sacrifices.." I want to excel badly and i am sacrificing alot of things.. I hope its going to worth.. To my dear ones... Im not able to go out for jln raya that much coz i need to study and i envy you guys that can collect duit raya.. hahahaha.. I want to but studies comes first... haiz.. I cant go out much often as much as i want to also.. The promise i had made i will hold on to it tightly.. Piorities piorities and piorities...hahahaha... I will not let our 'friendship' affects my studies.. hehehehe.. I miss everyone i love out there... hahaha.. pri sec poly and uni friends + jss students and teachers.. hehehe...

2007-10-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

I dunno how to describe wat im going thru yesterday... I just know its a very bad day.. haiz.. Is controlling my emotion is a bad thing.. I tried not to be affected by it but the more I tried to control it the more pain it brings to my chest... Its like my heart is expanding but there is no enough space for it to expand.. Thats when my chest hurts.. Its scares me that it hurts... Then I started to let go of my emotion.. Accept the fact that Im truely hurt by wats going on...And releases drops of tears... Only then i felt relieve... Somehow I do need your presence to feel motivated.. School is already tough as it is... Accepting the fact that your retreating is tougher...

2007-10-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya

To my fellow frens

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Have an enjoyable Aidil Fitri...

Love You!!!

2007-10-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was super fun.. Had alot of mission to do..Firstly went to ICA to collect my new passport...Took us less than 1 hour.. Den i went to bencoolen street to buy my ingredients to make cinnamon roll... Then meet my mum at tekka market before going home together... Slept all the way back home.. hahahhaa... When reach home i strated to bake for my cinnamon roll.. I was actually scared if it doesnt turn out well u noe.. Coz the dough was too soft.. hahahhaa.. Baked it and it turns out great... Next mission was to send all my baked stuff to ajushi.. Its meant to be a suprise la.. But the suprise was not a suprise instead i was the one who is being suprised.. hahahaha.. Was kinda of late when i reach there... Should have gone out earlier.. hahahha.. Den after that I met my secondary sch frens for iftar at simpang bedok.. hahahaha.. It saddens me only 6 ppl including me were present.. The rest enggak tahu dong ke mana mereka pergi.. hahahhaha.. But this group of frens really rocks.. I love you guys... After buka we went to geylang.. I thought i would miss the chance of going to geylang this year... hahahah.. Thanks you guys.. And I love a pair of shoes there.. Im going to get it soon.. hahaha... And something weird happen at geylang.. An old primary sch fren can still recognise me.. hahaha.. The guy is one of those 'hot' ppl in sch.. And it suprises me he could stil recognise me even though he cant remember my name.. hahahaha..

2007-10-05T23:18:00.000-07:00

How do I go by in controlling my emotions or should i say limiting it... Im falling deeper and deeper into something im actually scared getting myself into.. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I dunno how to express myself..... hahahaha

2007-10-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

Feel rather sickly these days.. If its because im lack of sleep I doubt so.. If its because of the weather i think that would be the most likeable source.. hahahaha.. Had a flu with bits of blood in it.. I consider its a norm already because my body is so heaty.. hahahaha.. I can still remember one incident back in secondary sch.. It was just after p.e, my frens and I were walking back to our class.. While walking and chatting, suddenly i felt like a drop of liquid drops on my shirt.. When I look at it i was suprise to see it was blood.. hahah.. Everyone was panicky .. But i was acting cool... hahahah... coz all the attention was on me.. hahahahh...

2007-10-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took my driving license test.. And I FAILED... ANd its all due to the mistakes I never commit before in my entire car practise... haiz.. Honestly im truely dissapointed at myself.. I cursed the tester for making me kanchong.. haiz... But than again y should i feel pressurised.. rite.. haiz... I did cried alot yesterday until my eyes is all red.. Malu jugak nak tunjuk muka pat org... haiz.. But im begining to realised that I need to accept the failure to be able to move on.. Hopefully this failure makes me a better driver i guess.. hahahah.. Like ajushi said... Everything happens for a reason.. If i were a given a pass but im not ready for the road i might end up in an accident and may lose my life also.. so yeah I ve move on.. heheheh.. Its doesnt saddens anymore... To my loved ones... Im very sorry to make u guys to go thru that ordeal just because i had a very bad day.. I maybe as stubborn as a mule but my heart is easily bruised and i can shed these tears freely.. For the bottom of my heart Im sorry..

2007-09-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

Had iftar with my primary sch mate.. Our friendship is still strong after 9 odd years knowing each other.. It was quite interesting though... This year we had two new members to our zhenghua pri family.. hahahah.. That was ariza and khairul... This is thier first gathering with us.. Thanks to me and amanina.. hahahhaha.. And the usuals are iskandar, qamarul, shahrin, amanina, suliana, ashilah and last but not last Me...!!! hahahahha... We had iftar at newton circus.. And it seafood.. hahahaha.. We order quite alot of food.. Which includes bbq stingray, baby squid, mussel, lala, kangkong, kailan and crab... hahahah.. Listing it out seems very few but woah its big serving.. Tak boleh habis.. Kenyang giler.. hahahahha.. Before we parted we take a group picture.. and its a nice feeling la.. You can feel the bond between us.. and it GREAT.. I love you guys.. hehehhehe..

2007-09-29T00:24:00.000-07:00

Ajushi is sick and im worried sick.. hahaha.. Kesian die.. I just wish I could be by ur side.. I noe I can be a pain in the ass but I did wat I did because I care for you... Now I cant sleep thinking about ur illness.. Wat can I do to make you feel better.. Haiz.. Nvm I will fall asleep sooner or later but for now im going to keep worrying... hahahaha...So ajushi get well soon aite.. Then you can do anything u like.. Walaupun u nak lari satu s'pore pun I tak kesah.. hahahah... Actually im quite frust with my lappy.. Its dead.. It cannot be on.. Haiz.. Mcm nak campak pun ade.. Kenape sey.. Why it can be like this.. hahaha.. I think its the battery.. I must get a new one but i dont have th epulus.. Its so expensive.. Worst come to worst im not going to use the lappy anymore.. haiz.. Maybe should buy a new one tapi sape mau sponser.. hahaha.. My father confirm gonna say no.. Coz he sponser alot of thing already.. hahah.. nampaknye kena kerja la.. hahaha..

2007-09-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

I felt so dissapointed in myself... haiz.. I tried to bake the choc macaroon but it doesnt turn out to wat i wanted... Haiz.. I just felt so useless.. haiz.. I was very confident it can turn out well but haiz... I just felt like i want to throw the whole thing.. I cant take another look at it.. haiz.. It is so wasteful.. haiz... I would like to try it for one more time but im scared it will end up like this... haiz..

2007-09-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

It happens so fast.. I can say it was just like a dream or some wat a movie.. But im pretty sure im still in the real world and wat happen is real too.. Coz I did felt excruciating pain when things went wrg.. All those memories will be keep in my most wonderful memories.. And trust me I dont forget that easily... Everything just happens without any planning.. Its just so spontaneously done.. I love it.. Love it to every bits... I just wished that the situation is not that complicated.. And everything will be so perfecto..

~One day passes by without you.. makes my life so empty...~

2007-09-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

I dont feel like going home today after the celebration.. I just want to wonder ard to look for the answers to my question.. Im sorry ibu... I think thats all i can say to make me feel better.. I will be back when i found my peace...

Inspire ME

2007-09-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

I have come to know for certain that love and compassion are the greatest and strongest forces operating in our world today.. -Mairead Corrigan-

2007-09-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

We will make it work... Together we can overcome any hurdles.. I have faith in u.. Hopefully you have faith in me..

choices

2007-09-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

Felt much better now.. Thanks to my own therapy.. Hahaha.. Like real... But I do la feel better... Sometimes I reconsider my options.. Dunno y but I just want to make sure I did the right thing.. Make the right the decision to me and the ppl ard me... Honestly I usually get carried away with my emotions.. And its really affecting ppl ard me.. If im able to make the sole choice I would rather be alone and do not cause harm to the ppl I love.. :(

Expectation

2007-09-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Why must i have expectation towards ppl ard me..? Am when my expectation is not met I will be really upset... haiz.. I expect ppl to treat me the way i treat them.. I noe I shouldnt have all this expectation thing goin on ard me.. But how to stop me from having that.. I tried to numb my emotions but it still creep inside me... Maybe I should adopt that couldnt care type of behaviour... Maybe..

MOOD swings

2007-09-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Im not in a good mood today.. Mcm everything doesnt turn right.. And im pissed off at everything that doesnt go my way.. Im pissed at alot of ppl.. Especially those who is close with me.. Why am i having this mood swings? I tried to contain this anger.. But the more i tried to be good.. The anger just gets out of hand.. And now i had to retreat from the ppl i am pissed at.. Sometimes i wonder.. Wat should i do to stop being so pissed at ppl... I felt so stupid sey.. Feeling so pissed over a small matter.. haiz.. Just need time alone from all of you... To compose myself again.. hahaha...

empty

2007-09-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

Feeling kinda of empty.. I miss ajushi with his cranky jokes... I miss his smile and i miss his not so 'sexy' eyes... hahahaha.. I just wished that i could spend quality time with him during this ramadhan.. His presence in the month of ramadhan is a god send.. hhehehe.. :)

Ajushi

2007-09-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

Tadi confused sekarang pissed off.. All thanks to that ajushi.. Penat tau nak go thru all this emotions.. Tu pasal kalau boleh mintak di jauhi.. Nanti jgn2 nangis kot.. Haiz..

Thinker...

2007-09-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

Do u noe my mind is constantly thinking... Thing about myself.. Thinking bout my frens.. And thinking about wats happening in my life.. There are many times i come to a dead end.. It is funny when sometimes u feel u noe that person not well but well enough but at one point of time u dont noe the person at all.. This had make me a confused person.. Maybe Im too young to understand wats this all means.. Or maybe i dont wish to understand at all.. haiz..
"ain ain lepas satu satu.. when will you stop being a thinker... if you stop it, it will be the happiest day of ur life.. u will be less confused n less complicated.." sometimes i just wish for a very smooth path that is already choosen for me... and there will be no obstacle in it.. haiz.. if only life is that easy.. haiz...

~im tired... i just want to have a peace of mind.. ~

Maths sucks

2007-09-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Im at home and studying for my 2% test.. Pathetic right... Hmm but i do learnt alot la.. hahaha.. I actually lock myself in the room to prevent me from going to the kitchen to find food.. When im stress the only thing to release it was by binging on food.. hahaha.. ain ain later u become fat la.. hahahaha.. Got to shed some weight... Must exercise.... But its ok ramadhan is coming.. I can lose weight during that month.. hehehe..

bloody hell

2007-09-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

I was so shocked.. My nose suddenly bleed... I think my body is too heaty la... I think i need to excret the excessive heat tapi mcm mane kan..? hahahahha.. By eating ice? hahahaha.. I think its gonna make it worst.. hahahaha.. But im alright.. Still alive and breathing.. Hahaha... Its just another crappy topics that i want to write.. hahahahah..

Splendid View

2007-09-07T23:09:00.000-07:00

Didnt know that s'pore had a nice place to enjoy nature and the scenary.. hahaha.. I did... And ive seen many of it thanks to my tour guide.. hahahaha.. Actually I learnt alot from him la.. Experiences, food, nice places and many more... Hmmm.. Its like I can talk to him bout just anything except.. jeng jeng jeng.. something... Something that is hard for me to talk to anyone.. Its all about feelings and emotions.. hahah.. Mcm real.. Hmmm... All I wish for is for this tour guide of mine stay by my side.. hehehehe.. ciao..

blood type O

2007-09-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

TYPE O characteristic:

You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate, and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.

Hmmm.. If all the type O's are like this then kiamat la dunia.. hahahaha.. Coz in s'pore itself majority of the ppl had a blood type O's... hahahaha.. Vanity and jealously? hmm.. maybe its true.. hahahah

Diyana birthday

2007-09-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday had fun with my girlfrens... Celebrated diyana express a.k.a mami jarum birthday.. hehehehe.. I just love her shocking face.. hahahaha.. Tu la.. Ketawa kan ain lagi about her shocking face.. Kan kena.. hahahaha.. Its a job well done... To me and ain and dayana.. hahahhaa.. All the way kan kite gossip aje tau.. Dari satu topic ke satu topic.. hahahaha.. Biasa la kalau mami jarum club gathering ade confirm gempak.. hahahaha.. After the dinner and gossips kite balik naik taxi.. hehehehe.. Cant stop gossiping la even though pat dlm taxi.. hahaha.. To all my girlfrens.. I would like to say thanks for the wonderful evening.. I hope we could get together like this more often.. hehheheh.. And Happy 21st birthday... !!!!

Emotions

2007-09-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

Im lost in my own emotions... I cant keep away from him... Tried to stay away.. For as long as i could hold on.. But ended up making that phone call... And honestly it brings back my smile... Just hearing that voice makes me feel at ease... I had a very huge ego.. But nampaknye egoku kalah dgn ada nye satu perasaan ini.. haiz.. Its bruised, badly but Im glad it gives me a nice feeling in return... hahahaha..

Its very funny how emotion works... I feel pissed, angry, sad, happy all in a short span of time.. haiz.. I dont wish to go thru it again... It is a hell of a ride... hahaha

Sleepless night

2007-09-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

Honestly I dont feel good at all... Tried to sleep to forget all my problem but to no avail.. So here i am blogging to let out wat is in my heart... I kept thinking of wat happen today.. I didnt expect to turn out this way.. If i knew I wouldnt have open my mouth and tell the whole story.. If not all this wont happen.. Why do i feel like arrows piercing thru my heart.. The pain in unbearable.. No matter how hard i tried to let it go.. The more I think about it... My life is as screwed up as my studies... Thought running away was easy.. But no it doesnt.. I takes a whole lot of strength just not thinking about it.. N its killing me.. I think i just need to pop some pills to lessen my headache and make me drowsy enough to let me go to sleep... haiz..

Terrible

2007-09-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

Ive tried to save it but in the end im letting all go... I noe wat im doing.. My heart is shattered into pieces.. How could you push me away like that when all i need is ur care for me and not for other ppl... I noe wat should be done n when... But telling me wat I should do in handling the matter makes me question wats ur stand in here... Do u want to me by ur side or ur happy to see me on other ppl side... I dunno Im so confused.. Maybe Im just blinded by my feelings..

With just one phone call everything that I tried to build just go down crashing... Who to blame..? I dunno myself...haiz..

NEW PHONE!!!

2007-09-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

I just bought myself a new phone.. Its W580i sony ericsson latest model.. Fell in love with this phone as soon as i saw it in sony ericsson's website... Eventhough it doesnt have any 3G functions.. Other function is enough for me... Actually im planning to change my number also for some reasons but at last decided not to because of the trouble it may brings.. I traded in my old phone too.. I forget to upload certain pictures in my phone that i like so much.. So sad... But Im contented with the new phone ive bought... hehehehehe...

Last friday was teacher's day.. I went back to school coz my students ask me too.. I was so fun la.. I didnt expect it to be so fun.. The concert was okok la.. Because there were many jammings going on and 2/3 dance groups performing.. I got myself a tatoo and a test-tube of my name.. The test tube was nice... So nice that Ive decided to give to a fren.. I want him to keep it as a momento.. So that he could always think of me when he looks at the test-tube..

sorry

2007-08-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

Im not good in curbing my anger... I will let off my anger to anyone ard me... haiz... Im so sorry my fren.. Im so pissed off at somebody that i let my anger get the best of me... haiz... Honestly if i can run away i will run away... Away from ppl who doesnt appreciate me.. haiz...

PIssed

2007-08-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am SO PISSED !!!!!!!! All i want to do is cry my hearts out....

diarrhoea

2007-08-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up early in the morning to run in and out of the toilet.. Haiz.. It is so painful and annoying to went in and out of the toilet early in th emorning.. I dont feel like going to sch in this condition.. hahahaha.. Maybe i should make it an excuse.. But than again.. Think about wat im going to miss in sch.. hahahaha.. Im sort of in a dilemma.. Go to sch and go thru the hassle or not go to sch and miss my class.. haiz.. I m also fasting today.. Since i need to pay back the non-fasting days.. There is no chance of me to eat pocai.. hahahah.. Maybe that can lessen my pain and my frequency of going to the toilet.. hahahaha.. Well.. Im already up and get ready to sch.. Might as well I just go rite... haiz.. Thats it than..

Bad Bad Day

2007-08-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Start the day feeling kinda empty... Maklum lah org impt dah takde... hahahhha... Then it was very draggy for me to go to sch.. hahhaah.. I had to treat myself to a bbq pau and chicken pau.. hahaha.. I manage to catch the bus even though i went to the shop.. But the bus was pack la.. I hate it man.. It is packed with 3 different types of uniform groups.. Police, army and civil defence.. Haiz i dont like to stand in a packed bus la.. Maybe i should go our from the house early... Then at boon lay mrt interchange as usual 179 bus queue is so long.. Haiz.. I had to go thru the same routine everyday.. And I really hate it.. Especially for 8.30am class.. I will be late one even if im at the interchange at 8am.. haiz.. And something happen today.. The bus 179 I took broke down after 2 bus-stop from the interchange.. I really felt that today is a bad day for me to go to sch.. I even have the thoughts of skipping the morning class to make me feel better.. haahaha.. But i still went for the class eventhough i was 30 mins late.. Its my latest timing.. I hope I wont be late the next time.. hahahaha... After that the day was as usual.. Boring.. hahahaha... But my spirits are lifted up after receiving a msg.. from that somebody... Wohooo.. hahahaha

Missing You

2007-08-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

I will be lonely these few days...

Wihout a companion to spend precious time with...

I promise to enjoyed myself when ur gone...

I hope u will be back safely from ur trip...

I will be waiting for ur arrival...

Ur presence will be missed...

I hope u miss me too...

BridGes..

2007-08-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Calm

Peaceful

Soothing

Stimulating

It happen so fast that none is expecting it...

Me too was caught off guard...

But Im glad it happened...

Coz it brings in a whole lot of new meaning...

Something I searched for so long...

708012

2007-08-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

Beautiful day,

Beautiful night,

Beautiful scenary,

Beautiful companion

& all that adds up to beautiful things...

You have make me feel complete...

And all those beautiful memories will be kept tightly...

May everything turns out well...

FREAKING OUT!!!!

2007-08-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

Im in sch and i dunno wat to do.. My class starts at 1.30pm and here I am at 11.30 already in sch.. haiz.. I dunno wat to do.. My mind is spinning... I had lots of question but there is no answers to my question.. To ask is like killing myself in silence.. haiz.. I just wish to run away.. Run away from the problem im facing with.. Honestly my emotion is not so stable rite now.. Im experiencing something ive experienced every now and then for the past few years.. I had to go thru it yet again.. I took every ounces of strength left in me.. I noe im gonna hurt somebody soon.. ANd i would like to apologies before hand.. Im really sorry... :(

Life

2007-08-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

It seems that my life is so busy.. But i guess other ppl life is much more busy then mine... Honestly rasa terkilan tu ade la.. How i want to go out with my fellow frens... But because of individual hectic schedule I just drop the matter.. I wanted to go out wif my frens like the old days.. haiz.. Everything is changing... I called a fren.. But she/he doesnt picks it up.. So its a missed called.. I was hoping for her/him to call me back.. But that does not happen.. Tell u the truth my heart is like shattering to pieces already.. I think the person forget about me already.. I am just another aquantaince.. Not some close frens.. Hahaha... I will just let it b.. Coz I noe 1 day if that person really needs me he/she will contact me gaian.. haiz...

Hectic Day Out...

2007-08-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

I would like to spend more time wif my frens.. But ended up spending more time with my new fren alone.. Hmmmm.. I had to go for lecture at 9.30 in the morning and the lecture ended 3 hours later... The lecture sucks because i had to understand the whole chapter of maths in 3 hours.. It was super duper crazy... When the lecture ends.. It feels like a big burden was lifted up from my brain.. hahahha.. Den I met my mum n grandma for my lunch.. These days i like to eat yong tau fu.. hahahaha.. Im not a soupy person.. But really like it recently.. hahahaha.. After finishing up my lunch, I had to rush to city hall to meet a fren... I promise to accompany him go take pics of the fireworks... But before the fireworks he had to teman me go to Omar's birthday.. hehehehe... I gave omar an handmade card and a watch.. The watch is nice though.. hahahh.. Spend 2 hours at the bbq pits and I didnt have my dinner yet.. haha.. So went back to suntec to catch the fireworks.. And by that time my stomach had started to make noise.. hahahaha.. Honestly the fireworks was superb.. Thank god i was there... hahahah... Regardless of the crowd... When the fireworks exhibition had ended, i was totally out of mood.. Pasal aku lapar la.. hahahaha.. We went to bugis to had our 'supper'.. I cant finish my 'supper' though... Pasal kan dah hilang selera.. hahaha.. Lapar tapi hilang selera mcm mane tu.. hahaha.. weird... Ended up not finishing my food.. hahhaha.. I then decided to go to pasir ris to sleep at my aunt's chalet.. But since im scared that there is no bus... I had to follow my fren home in tampines to get his car before driving me there.. He send me to the chalet.. But he wanted to show me something.. A haunted house at pasir ris.. hahaha.. tak tahu betul ke tak.. hahaha.. I reached the chalet quite late la.. And everybody is curious on this fren of mine.. hahaha... To my fren.. Thanks for the enjoyful day out... Im really sorry to drag u to attend the bbq at east coast.. And had made u drive me to pasir ris... Sometimes I honestly like to noe wats in ur mind.. But I respect ur decision to keep it a secret.. Everytime i go out with u, u make me realised that there is always a good reason for wats happening in my life.. Thanks for being my fren .. hahahahah... You too will noe my secrets one day when i know urs.. hahahaha

Fate

2007-08-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

Do u believe in fate? I do.. Fate is something that has been design for us humans way before we are born... It was all in the hands of the creator... Sometimes fate can be playing on us... For example... I had this paricular fren.. I just get to noe him for like a few months.. I knew him thru my mother and he was a collegue of mine when i was working part-time... At work we didnt talk that must.. All we just do is acknowledge each other existance.. hahaha... Den something happen.. My mother had arrange my meeting with him... I had to pass something to him.. That was where our friendship starts to bloom.. We got to noe each other better.. And alot of coincidence starts to pops out.. It goes all the way to eight years ago.. Eventhough i said it cant be him.. He insisted that he was there.. hahahaha.. So to cut it short... We are fated to be frens.. from 8 yrs ago... hahaha.. If not we wont be meeting n being frens now.. hahaha

2007-08-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Im so so happy.. I passed my QET.. wohoo... hehehehehe.. So im exempted in taking english proficiecy test.. hehehehehe.. Im so excited la.. Dunno y but i think my english is fairly ok.. hahahaha.. So im having a small celebration.. wohooo..

National Day Pics

2007-08-13T17:43:00.000-07:00

Ferris Wheel

Super Nice Fireworks

Amiran's grill

Photographers....

National Day...

2007-08-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

I went out with a fren on national day to catch the fireworks.. I didnt ask him out but my mum did on my behalf.. hahahaha.. It was funny how our friendship blooms.. but i will skip that part.. I will only tell u the details of the events itself... hahahahaha.. Met him ard 4pm.. I was on time but he was super early.. hehehehe.. its just like him to be early.. Maybe he will feel embarrassed if i come first.. haahaha.. Not gentlemen gitu.. hahahaha... The mrt station were packed with ppl.. So we decided to meet at the entrance of the Raffles City link.. hhehehehe... After meeting him.. We walk towards the padang to see wat was happening as there were lots of ppl queueing up... We stay there for a moment n we move to the esplanade.. haiz.. There were human traffic congestion... hahahaha.. Im scared I will be lost.. So i did hold on to his bag.. Tapi that didnt help either.. We got seperated.. But he waited for me at the end of the line.. hehehehehe.. So sweet of him.. Since my mother have entrusted him to take care of me.. He has to take care of me.. hahaha.. Mcm real gitu.. So we are figuring out where is the best place to catch the ndp or the fireworks.. Actually we did.. We went all the way to shears bridge... And we got the glimpse of the parade itself.. Most importantly we got the chance to take nice pictures.. hahahaha.. He taught me how to take pics like pro.. hahahaha.. I think im begining to like photography.. heheheehe.. But all that freedom was snatched when the police came n ask us all to leave the bridge... hahaha.. So we have to go and find another spot to watch the fireworks.. hehehe... And fortunately we found our spot.. hehehehe.. Its at the spiral staircase.. n we took beautiful pictures of the fireworks... After the fireworks ends.. We move on to suntec coz he wants to buy silicon beads for his camera.. hahahaha....After that we had our dinner.. At bugis... Amiran's Grill... The shop was super damn nice la... It was so romantic.. hehehehe..Too bad I go with him kan.. hahahaha.. We had a nice dinner and take lots n lots of pictures and all round laughter.. hahahaha.. I had a great day with him.. Thanks for making my day... I will post the pics when he send it to me ya.. so wait and see the pics..

2007-08-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

My immune system is down.. Yesterday Ive got running nose.. ANd now.. My stomach hurts n I got sore throat.. I wished to see the fireworks at esplanade but chicken out... hahahha.. Coz Im scared I need the toilet urgently.. hahhahaha.. I feel so weak.. haiz.. It may be due to my stressful life.. I need to entangle everything before proceed with my life.. I miss him so much.. If only i can take my mind out of him... haiz..

GoodbyE

2007-07-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

I think i did the rite thing.. Ive decided to cut some ties before things gets out of hand.. i didnt know where the strength comes from... But I just thinks its for the better... Before both of us gets hurt any further or ppl ard us getting hurt.. I decided to back off.. My heart is crying.. But this is the best solution for us... I hope u forgive me and keep those memories well... I dont want to take u for granted already nor i want to make use of u... Before things gets worst its best we just end it here... If we are bound to meet again lets just forget about the past.. And start a new friendship... I dont hold against u nor I hate u... So take care...

Driving LessoNs...

2007-07-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

I had to take assesment for my driving lesson today n u noe wat i failed it... I had 72 demerit points just by driving in the circuit n on the road... This really pissed me of.. I cant think straight.. My mind is troubled by someother stuff and honestly I dont like that instructor.. haiz.. No offence instructor.. Im not used to have u there.. hahahah... I wonder how would i fair during the practical test.. Actually after the lesson end i felt like crying.. Coz it was a total failure... Now i understand wat it means to be dissapointed.. like Abdillah said.. haiz...

2007-07-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

PrejuDice..

-HearT theM-

NTU here i come..

2007-07-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

School is starting real soon for me.. Before sch starts i need to sit for QET test.. Which is equivalent to english language... I noe my weakness is in my english language.. But my strengths are many... hahahahaha... Well it is already bad during the secondary sch days... But manage to pull thru the grades for o level... hehehehe... That is y i decline to be promoted to the express stream and also going to junior college.. I rather shine with my strengths than my weaknesses.. hahaha... My frens will disagree with the decision i made... But i noe wats good and bad for me rite... For those who have stayed with me all these years u should roughly noe me... hehehehe...

Orientation Camp

2007-07-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

Blood and Roses is the theme of the camp I went to... It was super cool.. Super duper cool.. hehehehe.. Blood were plague, prejudice, despair and chaos... Will Roses were salvation, grace, provedence and innocence... But the main objective is to find innocence who had disappeared and who will win the war of good and evil... Im from the group of blood, prejudice... And my facilitators were Suhaila and Mohammad.. love them.. heheheh.. And my other theam members are Nadz, Husna, Zawiah and Alam... love them too.. First activity of the day was the ice breaker game.. hehehehe.. It was funnnnnn... Real fun.... Dah lama takde lots of fun mcm ni.... After the ice breake, this is where the real fun begins... Or should i say the war has begun... It begins with with a short drama by the seniors.... It depicts the reason behind the war.. And thus we were assigned to our groups... The next activity was the amazing race... We had to run up n down to find the location of the game station... It was damn tiring but kinda of enjoying too.. hehehhe.. I did get wet on my buttons while trying to get the baloon to burst... hahahaha... We will get the clue for the night activity after finishing every game.. The purpose of the night activity was to find the reason why innocence disappear.. And fortunately we did it.. hehehehe.. Not thanks to mohammad but thanks to our hard work.. good job gals... And after the tiring day full of fun filled activities we rest our body at assyakirin mosque.. Second day in camp started very early in the morning... Had our breakfast at the mosque and headed back to ntu for our sport activites... Which is tug-of-war and futsball.. For both sports the bloods won.. And prejudice won the tug of war... All thanks to mohammad's good strategy... But unfortunately the blood loses against roses in the next activity that is save the prisoner.... hehehehe.. Did u noe y we lost.. Its because the seniors were helping the roses so much.. hahahaha.. Last activity for the camp was the night walk... Night walk was held at perkuburan pusara aman at jalan bahar... I guess it as much but didnt think that its gonna happen.. Unfortunately it does... And I was scared... Scared that I might stumble upon something I didnt want to see.. hahahahaha... Alhamdullilah nothing happens.. But it leaves something good behind.. My faith... And after the night walk we rest our body at Al-Firdous Mosque..The last day of the camp was so emotional.. It was sad to leave the new friendship that was just build but wats matter most was not to say good bye to my fellow friends... That was because my little brother had just collapse in school.. I need to pick him up with my mum.. I didnt noe that his condition was so serious that we need to call for an ambulance.. And he had to be admitted to the doctor.. I was scared something bad will happen to him... Alhamdullilah everything was fine... So that was my activity for the whole week.. yeah...

2007-07-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me, ain and dayana went to watch the exhibition of fireworks at esplanade... It was superb... While watching the fireworks, i was so engrossed and amazed on how beautiful it can be until i forgot to close my mouth.. hahahahaha... Even though the fireworks lasted for 15-20 mins it is still fitted nicely in my books of memories... Having to watch it with my favourite bestfriends makes it more wonderful.. hahahaha... Den we chill out at starbucks and savour the donuts dayana bought it for us... Thanks babe.. It was superb... hehehehe.. While finish up our drinks and donuts we catch up on our individual life.. hehehehe... Den we proceed to SHOPPING.. for ain tina turner outlook... hahahaha... But we go back empty handed... As all the shop is closing... So its time to go back.. While walking towards the taxi stand, we stop for a while to take some pics... hahahaha... (d dont forget to give me ya the pics)... We are collecting some 'sweet memories' for ourself.. hehehehe... After the photo session finished, we head to the taxi stand but it was super long... So we move on to the other taxi stand but unfortunately most of the taxi is taken... So called my sis to pic me up.. N at the same time ain and d got their taxi.. so we parted... While I got to wait for my sis to come... hehehehehe.. to ain n d.. i had a great time.. unfortunately of time constrained that we cant spend time much time together.. awwwwwwwww.... love u guys...

2007-07-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Loving a SAILOR is a high price to pay
Loving him truly is HARD when he is away,
It's being alone with nothing to hold:
It's being young but feeling so old;
It's having him whisper his love for you;
It's whispering back you love him too;
There comes a kiss and a promise for more,
As his ship slowly glides away from the shore;
Reluctantly, painfully, letting her go
While your inside are dying from wanting him so;
Watching him leave with eyes full of tears,
Standing alone with your hopes, dreams and fears.
It's sending a letter with your stamp upside down
To a far away love in a far away town.
Being in love will foster your dreams
Of that far-away sailor your mind fairly beams.
Days go by, no mail for a spell,
You wait for some word to hear that he is well.
Then a letter arrives, and you're given in,
to open his letter and read it with a grin
Yes, he is well, and misses you so,
And filled with the love you wanted to know,
Weeks are like months, and months are like years,
You wait for the day when you'll have no more fears
Days go by slowly, how many have passed
Then suddenly you realize it's here at last.
Yes, loving a SAILOR bitterness and fears loneliness
Sadness and despondent years.
Loving a sailor is no fun
But it's worth the price when the battle is won
And remember he's thinking of you everyday,
he's sad and he's lonely while so far-away
so love him and miss him and hold your head high
be strong and have faith, wipe those tears from your eyes;
Your man's a seafarer, like that old ancient trader
It's a high price you pay for loving a SAILOR...

2007-07-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

Having some insecurity im my relationship... After 6 months away from him... My feelings towards him is questionable... Its not that i dont love him but having being far from him for a long period of time makes my feelings numb... During his absence i would just forget that i miss him... Just to make me feel more comfortable and not worry about him to much... With time this is feeling just dissappear from my heart.. Its like I can live with or without him... N now i am worried that my feeling toward him is completely lost.. I kept thinking... My frens who had a partner will have a thought of getting married with their patner in the near future.. But me.... Im still not sure that i will marry my bf someday... To me I need to be practical... There is a long way ahead of me & I will be meeting alot of other ppl... If I choose to fix my 'soulmate'/'husband' would i be fair to my real soulmate... haiz... I do believe that Im destined to be with someone but im not sure if that someone is my current bf... haiz... I very confused as well as fustrated.. I wished that someone could show me the path i could take... Its already vexing enough that im hurting myself... I dont want to hurt my bf..

2007-07-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

My favourite korean drama to watch is.....

WITCH YOO HEE a.k.a WITCH AMUSEMENT

Just love everything about that drama..

Especially Ma Yoo Hee played by Han Ga In...

For the first time I love looking at the actress compared to the actor...

The storyline was superb too...

I recommend those who loves k-drama like me to watch it..

Ciao...

2007-07-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

Loooking at past pictures makes me kinda of sad... haiz.. How i wish i was back in sec school days... During sec sch days as a kid i was happy... Im contented with just frens and family... Now that im older... All that does not satisfy me to the fullest.. I just wondering wat was lacking in my life... haiz... Back then i go thru sch life very smooth n fun.. But now sch life is so tough... Its like im forcing myself to be the best that i could... And now i had to deal with relationships and friendship... I noe im not lack of frens... Just that I think im expecting to much from my frens... haiz... I used to hang ard with my frens back in sch days.. Now that im not schooling n most of my frens are working it feels that my world suddenly became so bored... No more fun and laughter we used to had.. I need to grow up...I need to be more matured... And get my thinking straight... But im struggling all my way there.. What should i do...? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

2007-07-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

Its funny how life is... We used to be ex-bf but now we are frens.. How is that possible rite.. Maybe we had the connection but not the substance... Met an ex today for dinner... Its been a while since i last saw him.. Its not me who initiate it... its himm.. hahahaha.. So org dah ajak i just follow... I only agree to his request due to the fact that he had a gf.. So i feel secured in kinda of way... hehehehe... I can get very unstable at times.. heheheh... So we talk will he had his dinner... Its kind of refreshing la... We talk over so many topic... I just hope we talk somemore... I think i got lots more to say but i guess he is tired... So we parted like we always do.. This is wat im not able to tell u... i noe i will nvr initiate a meet up even if i want to... I just dont want u to think that i had feelings for u.. Which i dont.. Ppl tends to misunderstood my intention... And i hope u will last long with ur gf... Your meant to be together.. yeay....

2007-07-05T00:48:00.000-07:00

Geram nye................!!!!!!!! stupid gst... i thought i could book my pract thru internet but because of insufficient amount in my account cannot book... den tried using my mum credit card also cannot.. so geram u noe.. now i lost a slot for next week.. haiz... one less slot for me to achieve my driving license... geram la.. kalau tak dah ok tau.. haiz.. no point already.. have to wait till fri.. haiz...

2007-07-04T04:49:00.000-07:00

HAPPY TWO YEARS ANNIVESARY ! ! ! ! !

2007-07-01T23:26:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy week for me... Coz my grandmother is shifting house.. So the rest of us were busy cleaning up the house... We paint clean and get rid of all dirt.. It was damn tiring for all of us but too bad cannot do anything... heheheh... Its for our grandparents... As long as they are happy we grand children will be happy too... Wats even better is that the new house will be like a runaway house for us.. Espesially those with problems... hehehehhe... its very accessible.. and there are shopping centre, markets and foodcourts a walking distance from the house.. hehehe.... I hope we get all the things done in no time so that my grandparents will move in time with my grandmother's birthday... heheheheh...

2007-07-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

Didnt hear any news from him.. not even a single email.. he did not reply to my mails.... hopefully there is nothing bad happen onboard... im not usually worried but his silence really makes me wonder wat has happen to him... hopefully everything when smoothly for him... just now meet with an old fren.. after so long we nvr meet.. we decide to meet up... he is non other than omar.. hahhahahaha... although we doesnt end up as couples we are contented to have each other as bestfrens... i hope our friendship will sustain... n all of us will live happily ever after... hehehe...

2007-06-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

I love watching korean movies or dramas but i didnt like about it when it involves foxy women.. who have evil intention and always do something to get the men's attention.. Geram sey.. And I will nvr stop cursing the actress... These ppl are BITCH... Argh.. See im so emotional when watching these dramas la.. I hope it doesnt happen in my life.. Or else im going to curse that person.. wahahahaha

2007-06-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Have u ever felt that ur suppose to act ur age? I felt that too many times but Im still as childish as ever... Haiz.. Even outsiders thought im in secondary sch... Issit my outlooks or its just my childish behaviour.. Cant be blamed influenced by my two younger brother since my older sis is busy working.. I guess i lack the adult guidance... hahahhaha... I hit me too many times that ppl thought im a sec sch kid... How can i be one when me myself is teaching these sec kids... haiz... I want to be the person of my age... But how am i going to be that if nobody wants to teach me... haiz... I have a pleasant personality but i think ppl are just stepping over the limits... especially those kids... hahahaha

2007-06-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

Just came back from holiday... Feeling rather tired and confused... hahahaha... I think hoiday should be relax rite.. But too bad it doesnt happen that way... Went to Tanjung pinang for 2 days 1 night... Had a great day shopping there as its very cheap... Manage to buy a pair of shoes n a nice blouse... But didnt get to buy a nice2 blouse as somebody else had taken it.. haiz... Den i went to a massage parlour with my mum.. its a painful experience... I even cried during the massage as it was very unbearable for me... After it is done, we move on to steam bath, sauna and dip into the whirlpool... this part was super relaxing.... hehehehehe... i wish to soak into it as long as i could but due to time constrain... we only take a dipped in a while... But the massage leaves my body aching till now... haiz... Honestly if i got a choice i rather go to batam rather than tanjung pinang.. at least at batam we get to eat fresh seafood... and there is my favourite shop too... ayam penyet ria... hahahah.... and there are also huge shopping malls... not like tanjung pinang... hahhahahah

2007-06-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

Ive taken 'How Well Do You Know Yourself' test...

They said I know yourself pretty well and are usually honest with myself. I am well aware of my strengths and weaknesses and feel no shame in admitting (to my only, maybe) if I am wrong or have made a mistake. Introspection and self-discovery probably interest me a lot. People who are very honest with themselves are also prone to certain shortcomings.

Honestly I do believe what they said... But I am prone in making mistakes.. I can pissed people of unintentionally... And I feel bad about it but this is me... Unless u tell me so I am able to change it.. But I noe it isnt easy..

2007-06-19T02:03:00.000-07:00

I cant sleep and end up watching my sassy girl and windstruck early in the wee hours... When i go to bed late that means i will wake up frm bed quite late.. right? hahahaha... For now i can continue this bad lifestyle... But when sch reopens maybe i will hv to sacrifice my beauty sleep... haiz... That is why im making full use of it.. heheheheh... Both korean movies ive watch is based on my friend recommendation... The movie had a mixture of comedy and romance... But the actors are not dashing at all except for the actress which my friend likes so much.. hahahha.. I guess im watching k-dramas/movies not because of the storyline but the actor.. But there are a few exception that i loves the actresses.. I adore those cute & bubbly actresses... Maybe bcoz im a cheerful being.. hahahaha... So i stop here & continue watching the movie.. tata

2007-06-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

Ain what do u think of this picture...? The only thing that is kurang frm this pic is the specs kan... I find the picture to be resembling him.. hahhaha.. Btw this is my favourite korean actor... wahahahaha...

2007-06-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

Is super friendly face = talkative? hahaha.. rubbish rite.. that was my fren said to me... he even says that im not shy at all... haiz.. im kinda of shy if i dont noe a person or come across somebody that im smitten with.. hahahaha.. only smitten not falling in love.. hehehehe... hmmm... i guess i agree with him that shy on the outside n talkative in the inside.. hehehehe.. i can just talk everything in the world when im comfortable with the person im talking to... hehehehe.. thats just me.. if i can get along foreva i cant get along.. hehehehe..

2007-06-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

Im feeling alot better compared to yesterday... Thanks to a fren that had always know me inside out... He helps me to be aware of wat was happening in my life... It kinda bring back the determination that i once had... I noe that all these years i had been hurting alot of guys heart... Im aware of it only after it happens.. It was all unintentional... I guess im very afraid to be hurt therefore i hurt the people who loves me... Sometimes i ask myself do i need the boyfriend figure or i just need a companion.... All i look for is security... and a place to depend on... When that is unavailable, i would be 'finding' for it... That is wats wrong with me.. As my friend says... i just need to discpline myself... so i can overcome my indecisiveness and fickle-minded... haiz... Its gonna be hard but im ready to do it for the better me...

2007-06-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

I would like to ask my friends wat is their first impression of me... And also if i am talkative gal... A fren of mine.. Suprises me when he says that by looking at my face he call tell that i am talkative... Honestly im very very shocked... Never in my life people told me that i am talkative... Not even my teachers.. haiz... Never expect him to say that... haiz.. So please... I need ur comments.. hahahaha

2007-06-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today i went to a wedding reception of a close relative... He had a wedding ceremony done at Orchid Country Club... A posh place i might say... With a wedding planner doing all the necessary things... And a hantaran of $10000... Gosh it is so damn posh... Then this is where i start to wonder... What will my wedding be like? Where will my wedding reception at? What is the theme and colour for my decor? I had a lot of questions ya.. but the most important thing is when will i get married... hahahaha... Maybe its true what abdillah says... Girls tend to marry early... But how early is early...? He says before 25... hmmm... Lets see... I will end my studies at the age of 24.. I need to work rite... To repay my parents kindness... Need to do that before get settled down... Maybe work for 5 years... so at the age of 29 maybe get settled down... issit old for a girl to settle down at the age of 29? hmmm... maybe.. but i have visions and dreams... gosh.. all this weddings are influencing me... hahahaha... but im very sure that mine will be after my frens... hehehehe....

2007-06-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

Found a new fren...
Had a great time during the dinner...
thanks ain for not living us alone...
I think without u it will be really akward...
Thanks so much...
I appreciate it...
But im sorry for u to be back late... :(

2007-06-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today marks our 23mths anniversary... but today doesnt look promising to me... everything just cock up early in the morning... and it really dampens my spirits... but having to chat wif fadhuli iylia makes my spirits lighten a little bit.. that is the power of love.. wahhaha... love kape.. but its true that somebody u love can bring u either extreme happiness or extreme sadness... hahahah... so when im sad he would give me extreme happiness..... im just luck to have met him online.. if not it would be a drag to wait for him to call me... he is in manzallino... somewhere at panama.... even though we are miles apart.... but we are close at heart.. hehehehe... honestly this is the longest relationship i had with any guys... i just hope that we do end up on the jinjang pelamin.. amin... heheheh...