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i was once asked if i have a 3am fren... i tot i have but i now i realise that i actually dont... yesterday was the turning point of my life...i really need somebody to talk to...kept thinking who should i call early in the morning so that i can pour my hearts ou....nobody in my whole list of fren is available...i really wonder....the one and only person i turn to is omar...he give me the listening ear i needed...i am so grateful to him...i can be a 3am fren provided that i did not silent my handphone...if only he was here..he could also be my 3am fren.....i miss him aalot...while he was away...so many things happen to me...honestly right now i still kinda feeling a little down....i just wants somebody to accompany me and maybe give me a shoulder to cry on but i guess everybody is busy with something......now i understand the meaning of a fren in need is a fren indeed....
for those who know wat i meant.... issit true that insecurity = jealousy? i learnt it in one of my modules... effective interpersonal communications... i was awaken by that matter... haiz... to think it back, i guess it is true somehow... something that lacks in me make me jealous... having that insecurity of losing u to somebody else just make me a little paranoid... having u to just keep quiet at me makes me paranoid... how am i not beling paranoid since i lose one of my pillar of strength... n the tot of not having another pillar really disturb me... if only u knew wat was in my heart that time... luckily she was there... coz ur busy with someone else... i have kept it neat in my heart coz that time im not sure of my own feelings... but know i truely understood y im feeling what im feeling... somehow i realise my mistake of having that tot or feelings...haiz... coz i know i will never lose u no matter wat happen....
yesterday was a fun day for me.... never expected it to be so fun.... hahahaha... firstly in the morning i volunteer to help serve food to the less fortunate ppl at masjid ba'alwie... done it a few time but yesterday was cool... hahahaha... saw my ex-bf, syafiq.... he is stil the same old him... hahahahaha....
after all those volunteering i was dead tired... can just snooze off but i cant coz i kept thinking bout my boyfriend not replying to my mails.... quite sad u know... hahahahaha... den this is the fun part.... my uncle called and invite us to eat at simpang bedok... after maghrib...
at the simpang bedok, i ordered chicken mushroon which cost $9.90.... but it is a good deal... coz it is extremely delicious.... hahahhahaha... den i tot we are going home but my uncle drove us to see the night life... like heritage tour like dat... first we go thru geylang area.... where the malays hang out...den he drove down further... we reached at the red light district of geylang....f irst time seeing all this.... my cousin was very excited when she saw the pros...she said 'anak ayam...anak ayam...' hahahahaha......
the journey doesnt ends here..then we went to bugis area... where there are posh cafes... where ppl smoke shisha.... i wish i could hand aroung like dat till midnight with my hubby.... hahahaha.. i wish.... den my uncle drove us to the railway station to show the activity there... den we alight to go for supper... hahahahaha... just drank teh tarik there...
we reached home at 11.30pm that is the latest than i had gone out with my family for a meal... hahahahaha... at home i can sleep and i got a stomachache... i guess it must be that teh tarik makes me awake the whole night till 2 am.... hahahahaha...
i had my reason for apologising to u...
i feel im not being fair here...
im throwing my tantrum at u without valid reasons....
im really sorry ya....
i so stressed with all this test coming my way...n im having all sorts of emotions at one go...just feels like shouting to relieve this stress...im having advance instrumentation analysis and display technology and nanoscience...its so fustrating...the tests is held on the same day macam mane tak bingit... and to add it all up my gum at my wisdom tooth is hurting... mcm nak melalak.. sakitnye bkn kepalang...done wateva i could but still this pain will not go away... having running nose, and sore throat at the same.. haiz....im so down n yet these things has to happen to me...i feel like crying but i guess my tears have dried up...i am so lost...
whenever i heard this song on the radio i will always remember him....
but i only like the chorus yar... hehehehehe...
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
somehow i didnt know wat i did will make me regret for this few hours.... y must i make that call???i just want to know how she is n i blew it... i think that she have a bad impression of me..haiz...im really regret it...it shouldnt have done it in the first place...im feeling guilty right now....how am i to get rid of that guilt??? i just want to be in ur good books...i really dunno im at lost....i want to forget about the incident and i nedd to forget it fast...n it killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am suppose to be sleeping now or even studying but now i just wanted to shout it out loud that no matter what happen i will always be by ur side...waiting for u here till u get back...eventhough i had told u that i will not promise u that nothing will happen to us, now im promising myself that i will wait n i will treasure this relationship of ours...honestly ur the first person making me so selfish in my whole life...i just wanted all ur attention and all ur love...i cant afford to lose it to anyone...i really mean it..anyone and everyone...ur mine n foreva mine...dont worry k sayang...i had tot it over...y cant i wait for u... maybe this will strengthen our relationship...who knows...that we are destiny to be together...u really let me feel that i am loved and u truely cared for me...there is a first time for evrything... n every first thing we did together will always in my mind.... first time going to kallang waterfront, first time try new food...and etc...i loved u for u n i hope u loved me for me...*muacks*
yours lovingly,
nurain
i was atrracted to read my horoscope after soo many months....this is what the horoscope written:
"Daydreaming won't help you and your darling right now. You two need to snap out of that haze and get moving in the right direction. You need a balance of intellect and emotion to deal with the current circumstances"
"Sharing your life can be tricky, but you're handling the balancing act quite well -- especially now. The only thing you may want to watch out for is spreading yourself too thin. Unless you get enough time to yourself, you may lose focus on what it takes to make yourself truly happy. Feel free to back off on social plans or reschedule social events in order to get the downtime you need. Clear communication is essential -- let your loved ones know what's going on with you. "
im living in a world of my own...always wondering when he will be home...and i know i need to focus onto something else...but i do not know how too...but know im snap out of this and im making this time i had for something good...coz test is just around the corner....
i am sorry for those that i've hurt...i didnt meant it but i know i did it...somehow i feel very jealous every now and then... it just about me i guess... i like to jump to conclusions that im not suppose to... im sorry to my boyfriend..my sisters and ain.... even if u guys doesnt know the reasons i still feel so guilty....
yours lovely,
nurain
i was so happy that you called...i cant describe the feeling of happiness...i hope u can make it next month....i really want to spend all of my time with u before u continue with ur sailing....actually, i have so many things to say to u but now im all speechless....like what im doing now...i got so many stuff to write on this blog of mine but suddenly i feels that i had nothing to write my mind is blank...but b4 i forget something, i have to put it up first....
i really dunno wats happening to me...i cant have a good night slepp for all i know for the past few days...im at loss of the sailing of my boyfriend and now im at the loss onmy friend's condition....i kept picturing the two faces at one time and another...the thing is something happened yesterday n ive been thinking bout it every now and then...i relly saw that the msg i had received is from my boyfriend but when i wanted to read it again,it was not there...i just remember this line 'im sorry, when u need me im not always there...'...issit really a msg or im just imagining it...its only two days after he left me and now im having illusions about him..whatever it is,i pray that he will be alright where ever he is....just come back soon yar...i miss u alotz!!!! -nurain-
now i understand why u do not like me to ride motorcycles....it not just about the hugging thing..but more to safety...i had nvr experience anybody close to me had an accident dat is y i do not know the feeling of loss...now i understand as one of my old friend had a terrible accident that landed him in the hospital coma...even though im not close to him but in the process off it, i can feel the pain of going thru that...even fad went sailing i did not cry but this thing had made me cry...the state he is in really makes my heart shatter to pieces...ape lagi parents and his bestest friend...i just pray that he wakes up soon...everybody is waiting for him...the main thing is he is still alive and the rest can be done... -nurain-
i am so touched with the messages he sent me the day he left me for sailing...-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Honestly i(iylia) love you deeply dats why i get jealous easily when you(me) are close 2 guys or vic versa...I dont have the intention 2 control your life but for the sake of our relationship i hope you understand...I do hope you'll change...I take this relationship seriously yang...I feels that you are the 1 for me...I'll take care of you when im back..."-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Kepada sayangku Nurain...Kite ingin minta maaf kalau kite selalu kecilkan hati ayang..Amat berat bagi kite untuk tinggalkan ayang...Kite harap bile kite takde ayang dapat jaga diri dengan baik..Ayang jangan lupa makan k bila kite takde sebab kite selalu yg buat ayang makan...Kite sayangkan ayang...Ayang tunggu kite k...Muacks...." iylia-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When I first know him, i didnt thought he would b this romantic...I know him to be so cool...maybe this 10mths long relationship had really change him into much a better person...honestly...i feel that i need him 24/7....how will i continue on with my life without him by my side looking after me...if ur reading this b, i just want to tell u i meiss u to the core and the day u reached s'pore will be the happiest day of my life...-nurain-
i cant believe the fact that my bf had gone sailing...its only 3 hrs after i send him away and now i totally missed him so much...i wonder how he is now...will he be missing me as much as i miss him?we cry alot yesterday until its so painful to open my eyes...im very relieved i did not cry when sending him...but actually as i write this blog, i feel like cry to let all wat i feel to be out... i miss u FADHULI IYLIA...i really hope this relationship goes a long way...this is the first serious relationship i had...there are mutual respect between us...n we are very into each other...i promise to myself that i will stick to u no matter what happen...no other guy can replaces u b...i love u so much....n i hope u come back home soon...muacks!!! -nurain-
im on the verge of losing my boyfriend...one day more and tomorrow he will be gone for a least a few months...i dont know how i react to this kind of situation...i had gone thru this situation before but it is all two different matters...i think i would cry coz im not as strong as i thought...for the first time i had loved somebody so deeply...n i know he loves me too...there is something special bout this relationship...it just cant explain this feeling at all...i hope we will be together even though the seas breaking us up....i love you FADHULI IYLIA....
-nurain-
somehow everything just changes between me and them...i do not feel that im with them anymore...i just felt that i do not need them sicne they do not need me...y must i be the one who always contact them and ask them where they are...im not being unreasonable here...its them who are...for now i just want to focus on my boyfriend who is going sailing...after that i just leave it in gods hand..honestly, its not that i do not want to go out wif u guys but u guys is the one who do not think of my position...haiz...for all i care just continue wat u guys are doing n hopefully im not involved anymore... -nurain-
