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i choose to hold back wat i felt.. as i dont want to hurt the other party.. but it has make my life miserable.. i think if i hold it any longer i can be crazy.. mentally crazy.. dis 1 week has opened my eyes.. there is no point going after something that u noe it will nvr last... n be unhappy over it.. i should be looking at the positive side rather than the negative... since its going to be exams.. my immune system is down.. been having this flu ever since.. n it has drain all my energy away... but i had found a new source of strength... instead on dwelling on broken friendship.. i have forgotten that... among my frens there are still ppl who cared about me n still loves me... they cared for me but time is a factor... since they are busy... so i should be grateful that i got these ppl in my life....
~there is ups n downs in life... its a matter of getting thru it n learnt something out of it....~
Things started to go wrong.. im not sure its my temper or its because of other people.. im so vexed... there so many things in my mind... exams... graduation.. frens... boyfriends... haiz.... i just want to score for exams... but i have a low self esteem.. i dont think i can perform better than wat i want to... am i putting too much pressure on myself? haiz... graduation... when my frens are busy finding ideal jobs for themselves.. i was sitting there thinking and wondering wat i really want... on my shoulder i have my own freedom of working but on the other shoulder, i have my mum's hope that i enter the uni... that is y i pushed myself to hard that im breaking apart... frens... i just dont like wats happening between me n my frens n i dont like to be taken advantage off just because we r frens... im not the same like ur other fren that will spoon feed u with infomation as when u need it.... im just not... i believe in being fair.. haiz... regarding my bf.. haiz... i was very frustrated with his attitude of not being punctual... haiz.. that leads to endless quarrel... n im very tired of it.. i dunno when it will stop... as the stress increase my head start spinning.. haiiz... help me release my stress... somebody...
~i dont want to lose anything but i guess i will somehow....~
hmm... to me turning twenty is a big thing.. now i cannot thing just about myself but others to... hmm.. maybe im not aware or im closing an eye... be ignorant of wat happening all around me....
where should i start... i dunno if im reading too much into it... i had a fren.. we are close but not that close... we have known each other for a long time.. since p5... but i stumble upon something that keeps me wonder... hmmm... maybe its just merely showing of our friendship... so i ask my mum...
ain: ibu rasa die sukakan ain tak?
ibu: ahah.. kau aje tak nampak.. tapi die pandai sembuyikan...
ain: betul ke ni? ................
somehow... i felt that there is something fishy going on but i just thinks nothing of it at that time.. hmmm..netherless... im not going to break that long friendship even if he has feelings for me... bluek... i dont need to worry about this now coz he havent told me upfront.. so pray hard that he never will.. hehehehe....
~i used to be an ugly duckling but now im a swan...~
Im Officially Twenty in 2007... It has been 5 days now.. n its still counting.. haahahha...Had some mini celebrations with my friends and my dear ones...
01/01/07....
When to vivo looking for my shoes but i dont like the hetic situation so move on to marina square.. we took a volkswagen teksi.. so cool.. came in style.. hahahaha...We had our lunch at the usual place.. Cavana eating "sambal chicken rice"... hahahaha... He spend the whole day with me... My bestie was also present when they gave me a suprise... hahahaha..But i can smell something fishy going on somewhere.. hahahhaa... I was expected but not expected.. u get me? hahahaha.. its ok... celebrated my birthday with all of them at the steps leading to the esplanade..quite touch la... hehehehe.. i wish i could spend my birthday every yr like this... with my bestie n my bf.... after the celebration my bf n i had a movie to catch but something crop up n as usual im showing tantrums ... im sorry b.. if i made u feel that way.. but i cant pretend that im ok.. so sorry... so off we went to suntec where i brough a LACOSTE shoe... which cost $129... hahaha.. thanks to my sis who sponsered it for me.. hehehehe...
02/01/07...
Today celebration is with my sisters.. hahahaha.. Actually im not being a spoilt sport for not agreeing with the sabo... it just that i got no mood.. n some more im 20... hahahaha.. i think all that is childish n will usually end up in a disagreement... hahahaha... but i really like the company... took lots of pics... n i love it... they planned the whole day for me.... after cutting the cake n eating it, we went to the movies.. hehehehe... were we watched blood diamond... it was an eye opener to me n somehow make me a little guilty coz i got a diamond peandant for my birthday gift from my bf.. hahahaha... but only feel remorseful at that moment... hahahha.. after watch the movies we had our dinner... hehehehe... at Fig & Olive... consider it a posh place.. hahaha.. dunno wat to order... so just go for something simple.. hehehehe.... n something happen at the restaurant.. the waiter ask me if i noe Johan.. den she adds on that am i Johan ex galfren... haiz.. i was totally caught off guard... all i do was called Johan to check if his frens was working there.. n yes there was... so had to step cool aje la.. hahahaha... back to the story... after finish our dinner.. its photo taking time.. hahahaha.. n we had lots of great fun.. yeah....
Prezzie gotten:
1) diamond necklace - thanks to bf...
2) nice cards - thanks to bestie...
3) box of Ferrero Roche - thanks to ain...
4) cookie frm Famous Amos - thanks to dayana...
5) Roxy wallet - thanks to my sisters...
6) Lacoste shoe - thanks to my elder sister...
7) 1 pair of earrings - thanks to nina...
8) party dress - thanks to my mum...
hmm.. wat else.... if there anything that i miss out im sorry ya..
My birthday wish:
i wish that all my wishes comes true.. hahahaha.. mane leh share tul tak.. hahahah
