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Thank goodness he called me.. n make it two times... he was as worried sick as me when he doesnt received my mail... i had reply his mail n send another one but it seems that he does not received it... maybe bcoz of his captain.. haiz... i missed his voice honestly... we used to quarrel alot when he was here n now that he is gone i feel so empty... maybe coz there isnt anybody for me to quarrel with.. hahahaha... "you will only treasure somebody/something when it is gone.." how true... i just wish ed that 6 mths will be in a blink of eye.. haiz.. easier said than going thru it.. hahahah... its has only been 2 weeks n i thought it has been 3 mths... wat a long journey ahead....
Btw.. when to jurong sec to watch the speech day parade and concert... it was a weird feeling... coz it used to be me marching but now watching people march makes me wonder do i march that bad.. hahahaha.. hahahaha.. just kidding.. its was average... n there is a new twist... the rifle was on the shoulder not held in rusok position.. if u now wat i mean.. hahahahha... den move on to the concert at the hall... my purpose was to watch my mum went up to the stage... when it was usually the other way round... hahaha... but other than the concert itself everything else is boring.. hahahahah.... now that i watch the malay dance i think that my batch is very lucky.. hahahah.. coz our costume rocks mannn... hahahah... to bad to our juniors... hahahaah
Today its friday and it has been 2 days since i received any of his mail.. im getting worried coz for his last mail he said he was sick.. haiz... i need him as much as he needs me.. my heart is not feeling at ease... n every night i will find myself waking up n trying to get back to sleep again.. i hope everything is well... haiz... i made a stupid move... to fill in my emptiness i thought i can bluff my way thru... but the thing is im making everything worst... n im embarassing myself.. haiz... i hope my bf email or call me soon...
Im really not sure wat i should feel right now... angry or just plain pissed off.. is there any law of putting people's picture without his/her consent in their blogs? if anyone knows then can u tag me pls... its getting on my nerve.. haiz... this insolent brats.. argh.... hmmm... work is kinda have its high and low.... i just wish it is always high coz i dont like to be feeling so low... im a patience gal but if it reached my limits i can surely blow up... haiz... i need a Psychiatrists help.. haiz... but most importantly i need my bf..
Im trying very hard to get my mind of something.. something that im not suppose to think of it.. haiz.... the more i tried the more i think of it.. wats wrg with me.. its only 1 week that has passed yet here i am digging my own grave.. haiz... i dunno who to confide it coz i noe i dont want to repeat the mistakes... haiz... im all stressed out because of this.. all i need is my bf to call me.. haiz... im going crazy as the clock ticks...
hmmm.. tough day at work... at the verge or crying.... start the day by witnessing a motorcycle glide on the wet roads... i didnt help except for eye power... haiz... i was kinda of late n i dont want to make things difficult for myself... i think im selfish.. haiz.... den... thats all trouble starts.. haiz... i was very traumatised by the situation.. haiz... den my mum had to go off early.. left me stranded alone.. haiz... i hope the next working day will be a great day...
Hmm.... Its 1 in the morning... n i cant get to sleep thinking of how my bf is.. hmmm.. kinda of miss him la.. really.. hahahah... den something struck me... erm... how do i start this without getting anyone of misunderstanding it.. hahaha.... its funny how life is... at one moment u want others to move on n be happy when ur already happy with ur loved ones.... n at another moment.. how u envy other people happiness that u became so jealous.... hmmm.... i went thru it a few times... but i kept asking myself why should i feel jealous when wats past is past and i already found th ehappiness of my life... do anyone else feels the same way too or its just me.... i do have that jealousy but im still in the right frame of mind ya... i noe wat is right and wrong... so... dont worry i will not persue the people of the past even if im jealous... hahahaha... phew... lega sikit hati ini.. hahahah.... btw... got a weird dream... but i hope it does not happen coz its gonna be wickedly terrible... hahahahah
Hmmm.... it seems that there are many things for me to say on this faithful night... hahahaha.... I've read a book.. it was nice and entertaining... but the lesson learnt was even better... hahahah... its hard to accept when ur fren or somebody close gets hitch with ur ex's.... i noe coz i've gone thru it... i can feels wat the character in the book feels... but i ask myself... issit right to get angry over these things.... things that are in the past? hmmm... now that i think of it its not worth it to be angry, jealous or even irritated about the past... there are many other ppl out there that maybe the one for u... there is no point harping on the past right... that my philosophy n im gonna stick with it... hahahaha... yeah..
I've gone for shopping today... and its with hafiz... i forget that im going to town with ain this sun.. i hope we can go to other place to shop... hahahaha... i wish to buy a shoe a americaya... hahaha... wat a brand... but its cool and comfy.. hahahaha... ive brought alot of stuff today... spend a day of a job salary... hahahaha.. i brought 2 bra sets, long sleeve blouse, 2 smart casual shirts and an oxy foam cleansers... hahahaha.... spend like $63... minus $20 for the voucher.. all that for $43... issint that cool.. hahaha... im a shopperolic...
He calls again.... this time round saying that he should not treat me the way he treated me.... im not sure wats going on with him.. at one minute he just show up the next he just disappear without any trace.. haiz... just cant understand n doesnt want to understand it either... i just replied that let bygones be bygones but if i was a mean bitch i would just say F#$% off.. hahahah... so im not that mean after all... haiz.... just stay away from me....!!!!
His calls and messages just send shivers to my spine... i didnt dare to even reply the first msg and receive his calls... i just let it die away... im not heartless... but it has to end this way... u have hurt me deep enough.. n i have hurt someone else that is so dear to me because of u.. i dont think u deserve a second chance.. just let me be... do wateva u want but leave me out of it... i dont want to see u anymore... i hate u... hate u to the core... i will never forgive u for wat u hv done to me.. and i never forgive myself for letting my bf down.. just get out of my life...!!!
LiTTlest ThinGs - LilY AlleN
Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt
[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?
Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world who could replace you\
[chorus]
I has been 1 day since my boyfriend went overseas... hmmm... feels kinda of empty but not that much... coz every now and then he will call me.... there is so many things in my mind... firstly its regarding my relationship... for now i want to be with my boyfriend but im not so sure wat will happen in the future... i dont wish to rush things.. im not prepared to commit to families as well... hmm.. im not sure... im not sure to take the path that was paved by others... hmmmm.. ive yet to decide but my heart is very reluctant... today i was called for work.. thought today was going to be disaster but fortunately not... it was kinda kelakar seram... hahahaha... n i think i like it not very much though.. hehehehe... hmmm... somehow i miss my frens... ain rahmat, dayana, shaliz, omar, hafiz and many more.... its been like 2 mths sch ended... so bored... hahaha... i miss u guys...
Im going to Batam tmr morning leaving my bf behind to settle his things before he going to hong kong... haiz.. i noe im gonna miss him... even though im having fun at batam... i hope i am having fun... coz if im not wrg this is my first visit to batam.. hahahhaha.. all i think wat ayam penyek... hahaha... weird kan.. when my family wats to eat seafood n shopping.. hahahahahhah... it will be 1 day trip.. go in the morning be back at night i think.. hahahahah... i just wish my bf can come with my family but i doubt so.. haiz.. while i was blogging he was still working his butts of at hotel... how i wish i could spend the remaining time with him.. i love him dearly n each day it saddens me to think about his departure... haiz...
Somehow i feel so lost... 1 week im not working coz its sch holidays... i hope when sch reopens i got some jobs to kill time... i really hope i will be able to get thru university.. insya-allah... now.. im lost coz my bf will be leaving soon.. just 3 days more.. haiz... im not sure wat will i do without him.. haiz... im gonna miss him... im sure... but right here at s'pore wat should i do?... hmmm... im not sure of it myself.. there is something that is hunting me lately... that is my past.. i dont wish to repeat it.. but wat if it happens? im not sure myself... haiz... just hope every thing will be alright... i love u FADHULI IYLIA.. i hope we will always be together thru thick n thin.. Muacks...
This song really caught me by chance... hahaha.. was listening to ria n i like it very much as it really resembles one of my past memories... haiz... n i hope i will always remember that mistake n not to repeat it again... so here it is... by sofaz-janjiku...
Yesterday meet up with my sisters to celebrate hafiz birthday... Meet them at city hall mrt at 6.30pm but there are always a few who are late.. hahahaha.. dah agak dah.. so move on to marina square to had our dinner...we ate at marina square's swensen.... after finish up our food we move to the stairs going to esplanade to enjoy the small cakes/mousses... hahaha... first cake was nice but the one that they bought at the tcc was a disaster.. hahahha... except for the straberry... hahaahaha.. its like basi.. hahahaha.... n the last cake was ok with a unique flavour of lemon.. hahahah... den proceed to "the enjoyment of the night life..."... went down to clark quey for the 'activity'.. hahaha.. guess where we went to... wanted to go to clinic just to talk and hang out.. but th eladies night starts at 10.30-11pm... so we decided to go to MOS... haiz... went there at 10pm n i went out ard 10.45pm... sometimes i wonder if clubbing is a nice thing to do n i got to say... NOT!!! the music was so loud that we need to talk to each other ears.. den its very misty in there n i only think that those who dance are shock sendiri.. hahahaha... im not going in there anymore... hahaha... 45mins in there feels like hell.. hahahaha... i can conclude that it was a nice eye opener to me coz it actually confirm my mindset that clubbing doesnt goes well with me.. cheers... hahahaha
What should i do to be less jealous and more understanding... haiz... Didnt believe i am one until i was told that i was one.. haiz... hmmm... i guess it must be frustrating to my beloved boyfriend... its either we get thru this phase or never... hmm... i usually thought that i will not be affected by anything that is so small but honestly it does.... issit because of love or issit because of obsession.. hmmm... maybe i need some councilling... hahahaha...
Btw take my own time to travel to bedok to buy some sweets.. hehehehe... i mean aussie rock candy... hahahaha... i bought 2 big jars n 1 small one... it cost me $19 all together... i just love to eat cute n sweet stuff.. hahahaha... hmmm.... since i was there i decide to drop by at my friend's house.... it doesnt look like wat he said it should be... of all people in the world i hate people who are liars... n there are not scared of the truths.. haiz.... i am really dissapointed in myself... at one moment i thought he was a cool guy buy he is a fake... FAkE...!!! even its true i doent even wat to care... haiz...
hmmm.. having mixed feelings lately... my bf will be sailing soon n a so much has happens... i just wish we clear up everything before he goes... seen my x bf profile at friendster... hmm... dunno y feelings can be easily disturb by the pics i seen... hahahaha... maybe jealousy kot... but wats past is past... i cant be bothered with it... i just want my bf... n hope we will be like wat we used to be... hmmm... i like to irritate him but i dont like him irritate me.. hahaha... i noe its not fair but thats how i want it to be... hahahahha.... i like to make him jealous... but i dont like him doing it to me.. walaupun unintentionally... haiz.... its so stupid rite... hahahaha.. im so bored to death... hahaha... he was out helping his uncle n im here stuck at home... i need to do something before i go gaga.. hahahaha... maybe go lot 1 return my books... when will i meet my besties... hmmm... people says bestie should only be one but i have 4.. hahahah... lucky me... but every bestie is different.. thats y i need them all.. hahahhaha... love u all.. muacks...
Tired after 1 whole day of working... tmr i will be working also... hahaha.. but thats not the issue... the issue is... my bf just told me that he was called up to join a ship that take off at hong kong n wont be stopping over at s'pre... i was shocked obviously... but i was actually reluctant to let him leave... haiz... i dont noe y.. but i just gonna miss his presence... if i could say this to him i am ganna say pls dont leave.. it will be hell for me.. haiz... i just want u to stay.. haiz.... im still shocked n will be continued to be shocked..
