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i tot today was as gloomy as the weather is... n maybe there will be drops of tears frm my eyes like the rain.. but what i expected, luckily is not comes to reality.... had a fun time going back to my secondary sch.. i have been graduated frm that sch in 2003... that was 3 yrs ago.. n im suprised that many juniors, graduated juniors n teachers still remembers me... wahahhaha... biasa la.. bdk baik selalu di ingati... whahahahah... but motive of going back to jss was to meet my favourite teacher... who is like a big sister to me... Miss Nina Lim (should me mrs already but still prefer the miss) wahahahaha... she brings along her son.. that was super cute la.... feel like having my own.... hahahaha... but wait la for 10yrs later..wahahaha.. when i have an established career then i will think about settling down... hehehehe...
it came to me as a suprise.... somebody that i used to have crushes with in sec 2 (2000) is now teaching in my sch.. wahahahaha... teaching physical education n maths... haiz... i can still remember... he was my instructor when i went for civil defence course... first impression of him.. wah... he so gorgeous.. with that tough body.. wahahahaha... but later in the course, he likes to pick on me.. making me so frustrated with him... that time i have a god brother who was serving his ns in the same camp... during my lunch break i saw him n talk to him... but this instructor just scold me lor... den i say its my fren den he paiseh he keep quite.. but it does not ends there... he pick on me by making me the first person to use the fire extingusher which is heavy... walauwei... luckily im rugget.. wahahaha... till this very day i still bear grudges on him... wahahaha...
den went to bugis to accompany d to buy clothes for her intership... it was great la... got lots of nice clothes but to bad pulus nye gak ade.. hahahaha.. envy them.. can buy many clothes.. haiz.. i want to buy 1 blouse is already so hard lor... hahaha... but to cut short... in the end i nvr buy anything... hahahha... but something happen in the train back... we took a train at bugis.. den at raffles place/city hall... a cute chinese guy walk in.... at first didnt notice but shikin was like that guy is from jss... den i say ouh no wonder he looks so familiar... wat happen next was nvr expected.... i think he also find my face familiar... he keep looking at our side lor.. den in a gaze some more.. haiz.. so cute... all the way till jurong east he kept looking at our direction... tapi kan i think he looks at me la... whahahahaha... perasaan... perasaan... den he has to alight at jurong east.. i and ain wats to test him.. see if he looks back into the train after it departs... to our prediction he did look back in... hahahaha.. means he do likes one of us kot... hhahaha..
reach boon lay interchange... den has to say goodbye to shikin.. she needs to go hm first... me, d and ain went on to jurong point... den to my shock meet chen xi.. an old crush at the exit of the mrt... hahaha... so happy to see him somehow... quick recap.. i had crushes with him when i was in sec 5 n he was in sec 2... wahahahah.. he knows i had a crush on him but he still talks to me.. so therefore, this is an example of non jerky guys... whahahahaha... back to the story... we called out for him.. n he talk to us all the way to jurong point up to level 2... den went we had to part, he was the one who ask for our number... i was shock actually... but eventually did give my number... wahahahha... n den we went our separate ways...
so tired by then... still looking for d's shoes... while walking at level 2 i was looking ard den saw this guy who is familiar la... he is non other than omar... wahahahaha... trying to get his attention... but he doesnt look at my way... no choice but to give him a ring... he was shocked to see me there... n wanted to talk to me straight away... hahahaha.. but i was going up so asked him to wait for me up there.. hehehehe.. he was with his group of guys n i was with my groups of gals... hehehehe.. mane tahu kwn die perkenan dgn kwn aku kan.. wahahahaha.. as if...
by the end of the day i was totally dead ar... super duper tired... i want to snooze out in the mrt but then tak cool ar... wahaha.. so stay awake all the way... step aje... padahal dah nak ngorok tu.. wahahhaahha... n reach home soon after.. home sweet home...
~ppl might take u for granted but dont take them for granted~
I MISS U FADHULI IYLIA!!!
What is LOVE?
LOVE comes in all shapes and sizesand people will do anything to salvage their LOVE. It can lift you up as high as cloud nine and drag you down to the abyss.
LOVE is not only about gazing into each other's eyes. It's about looking what is inside.
LOVE is when ur happy with that someone. When u noe what the other party is thinking without uttering a single word. And of cos, when u found urself smiling all day just thinking of that someone
LOVE = sacrifice
LOVE = to love and be loved
LOVE = complex
If only promises are meant to be kept....
there is this two kids... both were gals... their frienship comes along way.. longer than anyone has expected... they share almost everything in their lives... coincidentally, one day both of these two gals had a boyfriend... n they gone out to talk all about this new relationship...
Gal1: If u were to choose me n ur bf who would u choose?
Gal2: Its oviously u coz i knew u far more longer than i knew him...
Gal1: I would have choosen the same thing...
so happy as they were... knowing that they have each other to rely on when anything goes wrg... when everybody turns their back on them they will always be together.... as times pass n situation changes n ppl changes too... gal1 lose her bf... n gal2 promise to be there to help her... to cheer her up... but suddenly everything change.... when gal1 needs support n motivation frm gal2... gal2 was not there.. years of friendship just gone down the drain without gal1 know the reason... from there all misunderstanding n prejudice just come from nowhere... breaking the friendship into shattering pieces... n thats how gal1 feels... her heart was shattered into pieces knowing that there are many prejudice that are coming frm gal2.... gal1 believes in fate n mybe this is some test god had installed for her... for gal2... she still lives in prejudice against gal1... yet again... gal1 doesnt know where it started off... n gal 1 wishes all the best for gal2 n her boyfriend...
morale of the story....
in times of hardship.. u would know who ur true frens is... who will stick by ur side n whose not.. im lucky that i had frens who will stick with me thru thick n thin... that will believe me more than wat ppl might say bout me... im touched by those who really believe in me... i dont u fret... i will not turn my back against u when the whole world did... i love all my frens n trusted them whole hearted ly.. my only request... my frens would do the same for me....
~to think that im loved but in reality on not~
Done fyp calibration but still we meet with a dead end... a little bit frustrated coz alot of time is put in this calibration... finish it b4 2pm... den went to buona vista swimming complex where ain works to have a swim.. it was a way to de-stress... honestly... there is so many things in my mind... but i just cant bring it up.... i want to share it with ppl.. but my mouth just dont want to let it out.. i may look like nothing really happen in my life... n that im strong to face everything that is thrown on my face.... i tried to be strong but deep down.. i just want to get lose... get it out of my shell... share it will ppl so that my burden is lessen....
im in need of my bf.. i miss him so much.. i cant live without him.. ppls say there are more negative stuff coming from a relationship but to me relationship has more positive effects.... during exams.. i need my bf so that i can study and excel...coz he used to give me courage n strength that i needed to face the papers... i think my recent exams im going to pass it no doubt but just barely pass... i dont hv the motivation i needed... if only ppl knew wat he means to me... i love u FADHULI IYLIA.... pls come back to me ya....
~if only it was so easy... forgiven n forgotten but still y the barriers~
To many things in my mind... i wonder if im able to sort it out myself....
Final Year Project (fyp)
Im in the mist of doing my fyp... i wonder when it will end.... hasnt got a good start.. still stuck at calibration... first impression... the project was easy just do calibration den the real experiment... but in actual fact... it more difficult to do the calibration.. all things must be rite.. to have 1 point, we have to spent like approx 3 hours..... haiz... i just wish i could get this load out of my mind...
Boyfriend
There is a lot of things happning to us b... this distant thingy is really catching up on us... to make it worst its holiday... means im less occupied than im before... my mind can easily think of the negative stuff.... im sorry if i hurt u with my words... im just scared.. with u sailing im just scared that i would lose u.. u meant alot to me.... very much so.... more than the others... i hope u understand my plight... i need u badly... i really do.... its killing me softly... im hoping for ur calls ya... love u lots...
Bestie (Ain & D)
Im looking forward in everything that is planned... im trying to make myself free to go out with u guys.... if i cant than i would like to apologise... too many commitments in my shoulder... for ain, good luck in ur new job... n i hope ur looking forward each day to work ya.... for d... good luck on ur coming intership... i hope it will be great to work at sentosa... hehehehhe.... n hope that when ur busy u guys still remember me... im still stuck studying.. u guys already had a job in hand.... love u guys....
Bestie (Liz)
I know there is so much going on in ur life.. i hope u perserve in the things u believe in... i can only give support from behind... i cannot provide u with solutions coz the is too many things that are involve in it..... but i will give u my luck coz u need it more than me... so jia you...
Sisters
I hope we will have the outing we planned for.. SENTOSA here we come... hehehehe... time is the only thing that wasnt on our side... the rest is in our hands... yey.... hehehehe.... i miss having to spent time with u guys.. last fri was great.. n i hope this coming mon was better.... i love u guys... i need ur support...
Ex(s)
Im in not mood for any apperance of my ex(s)... its very frustrating... i dont want to be so mean but cant u just leave me alone.... dont need this in this time of situation... how am i going to break it up to u... i cant constantly give u excuses.. there is alot going on in my mind n ur presence really doesnt help..... just find somebosy else n leave me alone like u always do....
there is so much to write but somehow i dont feel like it.. mood swings...
Yesterday was a blast.. im suppose to study rite.. but guess what.. i enjoyed myself eventhough i still got 2 papers to go not like liz.. got 1 paper to go.. wahahahahaha... gone to my uncle chalet.. lots of food.. lots of ppl... hahahaha... but i only eat a bit i guess... something makes me like wondering...
my uncle sibling no. 1...
auntie: why are u i so skinny..?
me: skinny meh.. like normal got ar...
auntie: u was alot fatter during ur secondary sch...
me: hahaha.. issit? i fat ar? (flattered)
auntie: u diet issit...?
me: wat diet??? hahahaha.. been eating non stop got ar..
uncle sibling no.2...
btw im trying to study in the rm...
uncle: exam ard the corner ar?
me: i replied yar... smile...
uncle: u secondary eh?
me: no la.. poly yr three... (the yr 3 is softer)
uncle: poly yr 1 or yr 2?
me: yr 3! (embarrass shy smile)
uncle: better study hard ar (paiseh liao)
me: (in my heart) if im not studying hard im not able to be in poly la... hahahahaha...
den later at night.. went to my cuzzins bestfren chalet.. wah... its so grand la the place... hehehehe... wish my uncle's chaalet was as big n nice.. hehehehe... there, i met an old and new aquiantance.. hehehe... hahaha.. some was among my 'crushes' wahahahaha... great seh.. hehehe... den went home at 11.30 reach mrt n guess wat... the mrt has stop the service... hahahaha... den have to take taxi... hahaha... wat a day.. very tired... knock off in the taxi.. zzzzzzzzz.......
Well I wonder could it beWhen I was dreaming 'bout you babyYou were dreaming of meCall me crazy, call me blindTo still be suffering is stupid after all of this timeDid I lose my love to someone betterAnd does she love you like I doI do, you know I really really doWell heySo much I need to sayBeen lonely since the dayThe day you went awaySo sad but trueFor me there's only youBeen crying since the dayThe day you went awayI remember date and timeSeptember twenty secondSunday twenty five after nineIn the doorway with your caseNo longer shouting at each otherThere were tears on our facesAnd we were letting go of something specialSomething we'll never have againI know, I guess I really really knowThe day you went awayThe day you went awayWhy do we never know what we've got 'til it's goneHow could I carry onThe day you went awayCause I've been missing you so much I have to sayBeen crying since the dayThe day you went awayThe day you went awayThe day you went away
~A small gesture can blow my heart away..~
Kami masih rancak berjenaka...
tiba2 mataku berkaca...
Beberapa gugus air jatuh ke riba...
terasa perit didada..
Bukan kepalang yg ku rasa...
yg tahu hanya yg maha esa...
Bak kata perpatah:
Kasih saudara sama ada, kasih bapa menokok harta yang ada, kasih ibu sama rata, kasih sahabat sama binasa.
One paper dwn two to go... but i dont like AIA... not the American International Assurance but its advance instrumentation analysis... i somehow dont have interest in all analysis... wahahhaha... but still has to sit for the exams... no coice.. hehehhehe... tmr my darling will be back... wohoooo... hehehehhe... but wonder if can meet him... hehehehehe... miss him alot... hehehe...
~just need to push myself further... for the sake of me and him~
Lega hati bila iylia call... tapi kan.. die tak seceria selalu... byk perkara yg membuat die sedih... kalau la aku berade di sane aku boleh mententeramkana hati nye yg sedang pasrah... kesian die... macam mane c/o die boleh buat die mcm tu... baru 10-15minit lambat pe... haiz... c/o die bilang die tak mungkin balik ke darat bila samapi di s'pore kelak... haiz... mcm mane aku hendak melepaskan kerinduan yg mengunung? aku pun tak tahu... aku kena kuat utk meghadapi semua ini... utk iylia... iylia.. anak lelaki yg dulunya kuat semangat... semenjak die mengenali aku, byk tentangnye telah berubah... ada byk yg aku suka dgn perubahan pada diri nye cuma satu dua sahaja yg buat aku tertanya... ape yg terjadi yg membuat dirinye berubah... aku sagant mencintai iylia... senggup membuat ape2 utk nye... tetapi.. aku menjadi betah jikalau sesuatu terjadi terhadapnnye... aku dapat merasakan walaupun ak tidak melihatnye... firasat aku selalu tepat... dan setiap kali itu la aku rasakan aku perlu memberinya semangat... oh iylia... jika kau tidak perlu belayar, kau tidak akan melalui ape2 yg telah kau lalui... dan jika kau tidak belayar sudah tentu kau sudahh bersama ku... menemani diri ini...
~tulus kasihmu ku dapat merasai sampai bila2 aku akan kenangi~
Hate to admit that ur right... that i need to think of the consequences before blowing my top... haiz.. because of that my mind is just circulating ard ur words.. haiz... to my deary darling... im sorry to put u in that position at that moment.... i should have been a patience gf... i shouldnt hv blown my top since ur on the way to hong knong.. n this is the only way we could communicate before u reach hong kong... make u feel that way actually makes me very guilty... never once in our relationship u raised ur voice at me... that shows u really loved me all ur heart... i need to change for the sake of our relationship.. i will try my best to change n pls help me with it.. pls show me the way.. i love u very much.. n thanks for the belgium bear n the chocolates u bought me... i really love the cuttie bear... hmmm... wats should we call it... belgian? wahahahah... thanks b... i will be waiting for ur mail and ur calls too...muacks....
~sometimes its hard to change but with love that is in the air im able to somehow~
Im tired but i cant sleep... nah.. the best word is i choose not to sleep.. wondering y? coz there is too many things in my head... the maon ones are regarding the ones i love... truely.... im worried that if go to sleep i would miss his calls.... wat if i sleep like a log... what if i miss his calls and he is desperate to talk to me like im desprate to talk to him... haiz... then there are my frens.... i had a real bad situation with him... for me i guess... he is totally cluless about it... cant blame him also... he has always been so blur about gals or i can say women.. hehehehehe... what women thinks is a headache to the mens i can say... coz we women are unpredictables... most of the time we are not being ourselves to those who is close to us... they should know better... but the real question is wat do i want? and y those feelings (not the lovey dovey, mushy2 feelings ar) appear out of no where... no where meh? i dunno la... its really driving me nuts... goodness gracious me... if i were in him position wat will i think? wat will he do? hmmmm.... am i rite in avoiding him just bcoz i of these feelings? or should i just be honest with him n wait for his ans...? but wat will he thinks of me? hopefully not to the extent that i like him ar... pls.. i already got a bf.,... whahahahaha...
~time is ticking but there is still no ans from him...~
I just need sometime away from u... its hard to explain... pls do understand... i cannot talk to u rite now... coz ur the source of my prob.. give me sometime to get by kye... im sorry... im not trying to throw u out neither u going to lose me... as a fren but pls... give me time to think n figure it out ya.... frens...??
~im overwhelmed by selfishness~
To my deary frens.... i wish u guys all the best wheather in ur personal life of 'work' life.... n wish me all the best yar... i need that... chao...
Im having all this negative aura around me and im very confuse... somebody help me....
I wish he was here.. if not i dont have to frantically find a fren to accompany me study... i cant always depend on my sisters... somehow they have other things to attend to... eventhough i miss studying with them.. im just embarrased to say so...previous two exams, most of my time studying in sch was with my bf... i nvr had trouble to find a companion coz he is always there to accompany me... now that he is gone its so hard for me to just study alone.. haiz... i just need a fren.. i dont need many... as long as i got a company to study i will be grateful... regarding my sisters.. i dunno wat exactly happen to us... but i think we are drifting apart.. n i guess there is n way of being wat we used to be in yr 1... i wish u all the best and n i hope u wish me all the best too...
~when ur in need u will know who is ur real fren~
Its going to be 3 days for him to reach s'pore... i cant wait.. at the same time im scared.. im truely am...god pls help me.. give me strength to face all this...
First of all i would like to thank my parents for buying me a ben & jerry's ice cream... wahahahaha... call me spoilt brat but im not ok.. wahahahaha... they will buy me stuff i want but i have a big price to pay... that is to make it to the local university.. haiz.. feels like a big burden they put on me but im willing to cross any bounderies for my parents... they have sacrifice alot for me... hehehehehe... shaliz dont envy me yar if my parents bought me b&j ice cream... wahahahaah... i will share it with ya one day... hehehehe... n hopefully u will not forget me as ur fren... otay....
~yummy~
FiReWorKs FeStiVal @ EspLanaDe
When to see the fireworks with my bestie and her neighbour... wahahaha... somehow i feels as if i was reliving my past... last yr i went to see the fireworks with my boyfriend n my bestie n her boyfriend.. mcm double date gitu... wahahahaha... but this yr both of us when to see fireworks without our boyfriend... awww... so sad... hehehehehe... but netherless both of us were happy... hhahahaha.... the fireworks were significant but too bad it only for few minutes.... it cannot be captured... but can be kept as a memory.... hehehehe.... may next yr im able to watch it with the ppl i love... muacks....
~my mind is with somebody else but my heart sticks to one~
After our lunch, my uncle drove to tebrau city.... where there is a huge shopping mall... wahahahaha.... it was really huge n since there is malaysian mega sale, i shop like mad... boleh biol... wahahahaha... bought something special for someone special...hehehehe... buy this beatiful earrings for hari raya... wahahahaha.... n looking for my cinderella shoe like mad... some nice ones are really ex la.. if not buy already... wat the heck.. hehehehe.... we had our tea at secret recipe... wahhahaha... 3 cakes and 4 drinks... u know how much its like RM$51.. wahahaha.. my auntie says she nvr going to go there again... wahahahaha... after the whole 3-4hrs of shopping... we are off n eat our dinner... wahahaha.. we eat seafood... yummy... eat bbq stingray, squids (big n baby squid), veggies, prawns, and lala.... very nice... very full... wahahahaha... it was so fun ar.. eating n shopping n eating n shopping... wahahahaha... wished it happen again... I had a lot of a fun yesterday... i never regretted choosing to go out wif my family... wahahahaha... firstly we set off going to kota tinggi... just window shopping there... nvr get to go see the waterfall... hehehehehe... had our lunch at pizza hut... whahahaha... my kembar sister.. my uncle always says sepusat sepusing... wahahaha... my grandma and my little brother.. wahahahaha....
Somehow i felt that im putting all my weights on somebody shoulder... i know i shouldnt depend on him but... too bad.. just love the attention he given me... wahahahaha... indeed i need some attention... but the attention i needed cannot be found here.. so i guess i have to rely on my frens attention... whahahahaha... do greedy of it tooo... too many bestfrens means even more attention i needed... wahhhhh... so selfish of me... im sorry u guys if i ask for to much attention.. but i love it.. thanks ya....
~waiting is a pleasure when u know wat is installed for u~
Today was my happy days.... my bf called as he was worried about me... wat ive wrote in the mails makes him worried... i dunno y but i feel some insecurity about him... i really dont like to think if i need to share his love with other ppl... im just scared i can say... if he still has feelings for his ex.... waahahaha... every irony.. wat i can do he cannot do.. wahahahaha.. thats the advantage girls have... but this happy moments has to be paid with full cost.... yesterday... my laptop just fell frm my bed.... so sad.. so shocking.. and so unbelievable.... wahahahaha... i shouted and woke the whole house... at that moment i just feel that something is going to be real wrg... haiz.. but fortunately it not....~weeeee~
~use the strength that is left in me~
Chill at coffee bean with my bestfren ain... d cant make it... went to suntec to chill coz there got carrefour, ben & jerry's and coffee bean at one place... had a hard time deciding where to seat.. coffee bean or ben & jerry's... hmmm... at last we sat at... COFFEE BEAN.... tapi kan kite ni ade sengket sikit... hahahaha.. seat there buy their cakes but... we bought our drinks from carrefour... its like the same drinks but its like 3 times cheaper... wahahahahaha... need to save la.. low end of the month la... burnt pocket... wahahaha... we chat and we laugh and we want to cry also.. wahahahaha.. at least for me... heheheeh... den after all that we went to bugis... don some window shopping... and ain wants to but earrings for nisha... n my eye caught this earring... wahahahaha... so cute... n ain got 1 too... but in different colour.. hehehe.. overall i enjoyed myself very much.. n thanks ain for making this to happen...
~gaining u like gaining some of my strength back~
Today is the turning point of my life... in a good way i can say... i gain back everything that i once lost.... at one point of a time.. i lose my strength, confident, my frens and my bestest fren.... but today i get it back again... n i hope both of us learnt frm the mistakes we once done... that really hit out friendship so badly.... the heart 2 heart talk really open my eyes that a small miscommunication can bring to a whole lot of problems... thanks for opening up... i should have done this long time ago... but im too busy with my other part of my life... my studies and my tests... so on my part im sorry ive neglected u... n i promise i will nvr neglect u no more... hehehehehe...
~treasure whoever infront of u n loved the one who is not~
Today is one of the best day of my life since my bf has when sailing... when to the movies watching lake house with shaliz... hehehehehe... it was a romantic movie... i wished iylia was here... too bad but i guess my bestfren is the best replacement... wahahahaha... den after the movie, we went to BEN & JERRY'S... something funny happened in the shop... hahahaha.. the sales girl thought me and shaliz is a couple... den she promotes banana slipt to us.. wahahahaha.. shaliz face was blushing and he was very shocked.. hehehehe... lucky for me, i just stand behind him and laugh my hearts out at him... wahahahahaha... wat we eat r liz? i forgot the name but cannot forget the taste... it was very sinful... wahahahaha.... we made a deal... every month we shall hv a BEN & JERRY's ice cream... wahahahah.. den liz ckp die pokai la mcm tu.. hehehehehe... after that we take a schroll down to plaza singapura.. there, we walk the whole p.s but nothing pleasant to see to that we when to cold storage to buy drinks... wahahahaha.. i wanted to drink snapple but i let him choose the flavour... but in the end i was the one choosing it.... wahahaha.. as in repaying for the ice cream indirectly i paid for the drinks... hehehehe.. i will be stepping on a guy's ego if i paying for wat i eat.. coz guys wants to be seen as gentlemens.. wahahahaha.... den walk down to orchard from p.s n u know who we see... we saw 1 important person.. maybe the president bcoz there were road marshal n stuff... wahahahaha.. wat a lucky day huh.... hehehehe.. now so tired... havent even reply my bf emails... so now have to start.. wahahaha.. so thanks liz for asking me join u.. its my pleasure... wahahaha...
~anything and everything is possible if u put ur heart and soul in it eventhough u r at the low end~
