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Had iftar with my primary sch mate.. Our friendship is still strong after 9 odd years knowing each other.. It was quite interesting though... This year we had two new members to our zhenghua pri family.. hahahah.. That was ariza and khairul... This is thier first gathering with us.. Thanks to me and amanina.. hahahhaha.. And the usuals are iskandar, qamarul, shahrin, amanina, suliana, ashilah and last but not last Me...!!! hahahahha... We had iftar at newton circus.. And it seafood.. hahahaha.. We order quite alot of food.. Which includes bbq stingray, baby squid, mussel, lala, kangkong, kailan and crab... hahahah.. Listing it out seems very few but woah its big serving.. Tak boleh habis.. Kenyang giler.. hahahahha.. Before we parted we take a group picture.. and its a nice feeling la.. You can feel the bond between us.. and it GREAT.. I love you guys.. hehehhehe..
Ajushi is sick and im worried sick.. hahaha.. Kesian die.. I just wish I could be by ur side.. I noe I can be a pain in the ass but I did wat I did because I care for you... Now I cant sleep thinking about ur illness.. Wat can I do to make you feel better.. Haiz.. Nvm I will fall asleep sooner or later but for now im going to keep worrying... hahahaha...So ajushi get well soon aite.. Then you can do anything u like.. Walaupun u nak lari satu s'pore pun I tak kesah.. hahahah... Actually im quite frust with my lappy.. Its dead.. It cannot be on.. Haiz.. Mcm nak campak pun ade.. Kenape sey.. Why it can be like this.. hahaha.. I think its the battery.. I must get a new one but i dont have th epulus.. Its so expensive.. Worst come to worst im not going to use the lappy anymore.. haiz.. Maybe should buy a new one tapi sape mau sponser.. hahaha.. My father confirm gonna say no.. Coz he sponser alot of thing already.. hahah.. nampaknye kena kerja la.. hahaha..
I felt so dissapointed in myself... haiz.. I tried to bake the choc macaroon but it doesnt turn out to wat i wanted... Haiz.. I just felt so useless.. haiz.. I was very confident it can turn out well but haiz... I just felt like i want to throw the whole thing.. I cant take another look at it.. haiz.. It is so wasteful.. haiz... I would like to try it for one more time but im scared it will end up like this... haiz..
It happens so fast.. I can say it was just like a dream or some wat a movie.. But im pretty sure im still in the real world and wat happen is real too.. Coz I did felt excruciating pain when things went wrg.. All those memories will be keep in my most wonderful memories.. And trust me I dont forget that easily... Everything just happens without any planning.. Its just so spontaneously done.. I love it.. Love it to every bits... I just wished that the situation is not that complicated.. And everything will be so perfecto..
~One day passes by without you.. makes my life so empty...~
I dont feel like going home today after the celebration.. I just want to wonder ard to look for the answers to my question.. Im sorry ibu... I think thats all i can say to make me feel better.. I will be back when i found my peace...
I have come to know for certain that love and compassion are the greatest and strongest forces operating in our world today.. -Mairead Corrigan-
We will make it work... Together we can overcome any hurdles.. I have faith in u.. Hopefully you have faith in me..
Felt much better now.. Thanks to my own therapy.. Hahaha.. Like real... But I do la feel better... Sometimes I reconsider my options.. Dunno y but I just want to make sure I did the right thing.. Make the right the decision to me and the ppl ard me... Honestly I usually get carried away with my emotions.. And its really affecting ppl ard me.. If im able to make the sole choice I would rather be alone and do not cause harm to the ppl I love.. :(
Why must i have expectation towards ppl ard me..? Am when my expectation is not met I will be really upset... haiz.. I expect ppl to treat me the way i treat them.. I noe I shouldnt have all this expectation thing goin on ard me.. But how to stop me from having that.. I tried to numb my emotions but it still creep inside me... Maybe I should adopt that couldnt care type of behaviour... Maybe..
Im not in a good mood today.. Mcm everything doesnt turn right.. And im pissed off at everything that doesnt go my way.. Im pissed at alot of ppl.. Especially those who is close with me.. Why am i having this mood swings? I tried to contain this anger.. But the more i tried to be good.. The anger just gets out of hand.. And now i had to retreat from the ppl i am pissed at.. Sometimes i wonder.. Wat should i do to stop being so pissed at ppl... I felt so stupid sey.. Feeling so pissed over a small matter.. haiz.. Just need time alone from all of you... To compose myself again.. hahaha...
Feeling kinda of empty.. I miss ajushi with his cranky jokes... I miss his smile and i miss his not so 'sexy' eyes... hahahaha.. I just wished that i could spend quality time with him during this ramadhan.. His presence in the month of ramadhan is a god send.. hhehehe.. :)
Tadi confused sekarang pissed off.. All thanks to that ajushi.. Penat tau nak go thru all this emotions.. Tu pasal kalau boleh mintak di jauhi.. Nanti jgn2 nangis kot.. Haiz..
Do u noe my mind is constantly thinking... Thing about myself.. Thinking bout my frens.. And thinking about wats happening in my life.. There are many times i come to a dead end.. It is funny when sometimes u feel u noe that person not well but well enough but at one point of time u dont noe the person at all.. This had make me a confused person.. Maybe Im too young to understand wats this all means.. Or maybe i dont wish to understand at all.. haiz..
"ain ain lepas satu satu.. when will you stop being a thinker... if you stop it, it will be the happiest day of ur life.. u will be less confused n less complicated.." sometimes i just wish for a very smooth path that is already choosen for me... and there will be no obstacle in it.. haiz.. if only life is that easy.. haiz...
~im tired... i just want to have a peace of mind.. ~
Im at home and studying for my 2% test.. Pathetic right... Hmm but i do learnt alot la.. hahaha.. I actually lock myself in the room to prevent me from going to the kitchen to find food.. When im stress the only thing to release it was by binging on food.. hahaha.. ain ain later u become fat la.. hahahaha.. Got to shed some weight... Must exercise.... But its ok ramadhan is coming.. I can lose weight during that month.. hehehe..
I was so shocked.. My nose suddenly bleed... I think my body is too heaty la... I think i need to excret the excessive heat tapi mcm mane kan..? hahahahha.. By eating ice? hahahaha.. I think its gonna make it worst.. hahahaha.. But im alright.. Still alive and breathing.. Hahaha... Its just another crappy topics that i want to write.. hahahahah..
Didnt know that s'pore had a nice place to enjoy nature and the scenary.. hahaha.. I did... And ive seen many of it thanks to my tour guide.. hahahaha.. Actually I learnt alot from him la.. Experiences, food, nice places and many more... Hmmm.. Its like I can talk to him bout just anything except.. jeng jeng jeng.. something... Something that is hard for me to talk to anyone.. Its all about feelings and emotions.. hahah.. Mcm real.. Hmmm... All I wish for is for this tour guide of mine stay by my side.. hehehehe.. ciao..
TYPE O characteristic:
You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate, and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.
Hmmm.. If all the type O's are like this then kiamat la dunia.. hahahaha.. Coz in s'pore itself majority of the ppl had a blood type O's... hahahaha.. Vanity and jealously? hmm.. maybe its true.. hahahah
Yesterday had fun with my girlfrens... Celebrated diyana express a.k.a mami jarum birthday.. hehehehe.. I just love her shocking face.. hahahaha.. Tu la.. Ketawa kan ain lagi about her shocking face.. Kan kena.. hahahaha.. Its a job well done... To me and ain and dayana.. hahahhaa.. All the way kan kite gossip aje tau.. Dari satu topic ke satu topic.. hahahaha.. Biasa la kalau mami jarum club gathering ade confirm gempak.. hahahaha.. After the dinner and gossips kite balik naik taxi.. hehehehe.. Cant stop gossiping la even though pat dlm taxi.. hahaha.. To all my girlfrens.. I would like to say thanks for the wonderful evening.. I hope we could get together like this more often.. hehheheh.. And Happy 21st birthday... !!!!
Im lost in my own emotions... I cant keep away from him... Tried to stay away.. For as long as i could hold on.. But ended up making that phone call... And honestly it brings back my smile... Just hearing that voice makes me feel at ease... I had a very huge ego.. But nampaknye egoku kalah dgn ada nye satu perasaan ini.. haiz.. Its bruised, badly but Im glad it gives me a nice feeling in return... hahahaha..
Its very funny how emotion works... I feel pissed, angry, sad, happy all in a short span of time.. haiz.. I dont wish to go thru it again... It is a hell of a ride... hahaha
Honestly I dont feel good at all... Tried to sleep to forget all my problem but to no avail.. So here i am blogging to let out wat is in my heart... I kept thinking of wat happen today.. I didnt expect to turn out this way.. If i knew I wouldnt have open my mouth and tell the whole story.. If not all this wont happen.. Why do i feel like arrows piercing thru my heart.. The pain in unbearable.. No matter how hard i tried to let it go.. The more I think about it... My life is as screwed up as my studies... Thought running away was easy.. But no it doesnt.. I takes a whole lot of strength just not thinking about it.. N its killing me.. I think i just need to pop some pills to lessen my headache and make me drowsy enough to let me go to sleep... haiz..
Ive tried to save it but in the end im letting all go... I noe wat im doing.. My heart is shattered into pieces.. How could you push me away like that when all i need is ur care for me and not for other ppl... I noe wat should be done n when... But telling me wat I should do in handling the matter makes me question wats ur stand in here... Do u want to me by ur side or ur happy to see me on other ppl side... I dunno Im so confused.. Maybe Im just blinded by my feelings..
With just one phone call everything that I tried to build just go down crashing... Who to blame..? I dunno myself...haiz..
I just bought myself a new phone.. Its W580i sony ericsson latest model.. Fell in love with this phone as soon as i saw it in sony ericsson's website... Eventhough it doesnt have any 3G functions.. Other function is enough for me... Actually im planning to change my number also for some reasons but at last decided not to because of the trouble it may brings.. I traded in my old phone too.. I forget to upload certain pictures in my phone that i like so much.. So sad... But Im contented with the new phone ive bought... hehehehehe...Last friday was teacher's day.. I went back to school coz my students ask me too.. I was so fun la.. I didnt expect it to be so fun.. The concert was okok la.. Because there were many jammings going on and 2/3 dance groups performing.. I got myself a tatoo and a test-tube of my name.. The test tube was nice... So nice that Ive decided to give to a fren.. I want him to keep it as a momento.. So that he could always think of me when he looks at the test-tube..
