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I just feel like writing down something... the is blog has been long abandoned but now i decide to write something on it again... i dunno why i will only write the unhappy moments that i went through.. perhaps to remind myself that it is happening or had happen.. im having a tough time with my relationship... dunno if its part of getting to know or it is an inevitable thing that is bound to happen.. i just wish that it does not happen coz it makes me feel like shit and it makes him feel awful too.. sometimes im not sure if it is me or him that makes thing bad.. perhaps its all my fault... sometimes it makes me think that perhaps im not destined to be attached.. as much as i love him... i keep screwing things up... and honestly i hate it.. it makes me feel like im so useless as a gf.. if now we cant get along together wat do u think about later... im not thinking of that if u think i am.. i just want to be the best for him and stop screwing things up.. i really am..
im a dead meat.. this is the first time i get so low of a marks when i studied so hard.. honestly its not fair... it is so demoralising... just break my motivation to go on.. some times i wonder why do i have to go through all this shit.. it is so hard... haiz
i has always been fun making fun of other ppl but have u ever thinks about the person that ur making fun off.. honestly i dont think its funny at all.. thanks ar really thanks.. how does it feels when the only person that u can trust and asking for assuarance is also the same as the the rest just sucks.. thats wat im feeling right now.. i dont care if ppl is making fun of me at all but not u.. gosh i hate this!!!!
im so tired but ive got to be strong and determine to be able to do this... but its taking a toll on me... im sick and tired of all this already... and if i didnt i feel so guilty... like just wasted my time on nothing.... feeling rather moody... and always feel like crying... why why why... i dont even noe why... i just hope this exams ends soon and there goes all my sadness... i hate all this...
its sunday, 19/10/08... this will be one of the historic day of my life... soon enough i will be meeting one of the impt people in my life... im excited plus anxious... dont noe how it will be.. hopefully it goes on smoothly... and that im able to score points.. hehehehe
suddenly feel kinda sad.. i noe the reason why just that im not good with my words... rather than me hurting other ppl i rather keep it quiet... i think this blog is only the place where i pour my sadness in... haiz... sometimes i wish that im not so soft.. so that im not so easily hurt by ppl actions.. even though it is as tiny as pea... my emotions will be haywire already... and honestly i dont noe how to control it.. keeping it inside will only hurt me further... haiz.. and its hurting now...
"Happiness is not by chance, but by choice. Jim Rohn"got this msg early this morning.. and my thoughts were why not? all this while i thought that my happiness was partly based on chance. but i didnt think about the choices can also incluence my happiness... to me wat i was going thru is predestined.. so no matter how i do it i will still get the same result.. but there is one thing i forgot to take into considerations that is, my choice will determines wat ever the outcome.. thinking back im happy making some choices that i made.. i think i did the rite thing.. but there are some choice that i made makes me wonder if there is a better choice.. haiz.. when will i grow up to be an emotionally stable person.. to be continued...
